"Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present." Albert Camus

This post is dedicated to my aunt, Janet Stone, who donated a kidney to a family friend this week, at the Christiaan Barnard Hospital in Cape Town in South Africa.

Giving what we can

My aunt donated a kidney to a family friend this week. It's an awe-inspiring gift to give to someone, especially when that person is not even a blood relative, no matter how close. I imagine we all think that we would be willing to donate a kidney to a family member if needed, certainly a child or a parent. 

The reason this is inspirational to me, is the generosity of spirit and heart it would have involved, even before the practical side of it, preparing for the operation and then the actual surgery and recovery itself. 

I like to think of myself as a generous person, I give when I can. I'm sure we all have times when we feel a little fearful that we won't have enough. 

Imagine giving away your kidney, instead of a few coins or even your time. That truly is something that you have to give without any sense of expectation or gratitude or return. And whilst giving money or time is important, to see someone being given the opportunity and the chance to live a better life because you have given a part of your physcial body, that must be priceless. 

I can only hope that if the opportunity to do something similar presents itself to me one day that I can be as selfless. It's only now that the process is over, that it I am really starting to realise the magnitude of just what it is my aunt has done for her friend. 

I wonder if we can think about the times that we give away anything, whether it be donating an organ, donating blood, giving money, time or love, and reflect on what we are expecting to get in return, and whether we can do it in the same spirit, not expecting anything apart from our own sense of having lived a life bigger than we are. 

George Bernard Shaw said, "This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognised by yourself as a mighty one." 

This truly is the gift of giving. I'm so proud of my aunt, and sharing the experience on social media really helped hit home that there are good people in the world and people to inspire us to do good and be good. 

My aunt is one of those people for me. 

Purlgirl xx

"With all there is, why settle for just a piece of sky?" (Alan & Marilyn Bergman)*

Finding my wings

I believe swimming may be the nearest we can come to flying.

 

I love to swim - I love to spend time in the water, it takes all my attention and puts me in the present moment. 

 

And I can swim at my own pace. 

 

I have discovered I like to swim underwater, and that if I swim for two strokes underwater, I can focus on the feeling of being in the water, my body feels more comfortable and sometimes I will even swim a whole length underwater (it's a small pool)

 

I could never have imagined I'd get to a stage where I felt comfortable in the water** and that I would find a swim-stroke that suits me. 

 

When I am facing a new challenge, it reminds me that if I could learn to swim, I can learn to do this. I didn't learn until I was in my 30s, and I needed private swimming lessons to get started, but since then I have continued learning to swim by myself for the past 4 years.

 

I can still remember the time and effort, the persistence and determination I put into the lessons so that I could learn to bring together all parts of the process - learning to combine my breathing with my arm and leg movements, and combining all of this to stay afloat and to learn to be in this moment, to not look at the wall, but to focus on my breath, on each stroke. 

 

I feel free in the water now, I feel graceful, even more so than I do when I'm dancing. It has taken me 10 years to develop my style, longer than some others, and I still have some way to go, but I now feel comfortable on the dance-floor.

 

My favourite bird is the red kite, it glides effortlessly and soars. I love watching these majestic birds, catching the wind to take them where they want to go.

 

Swimming is the nearest I can imagine coming to flying, especially being weightless. 

 

I have to remind myself that I *can* learn. 

 

And if I can learn to swim, I can learn to fly. 

 

Purlgirl xx

 

* Line from the lyrics to "A Piece of Sky", (1983, Sony Music Entertainment Inc), lyrics by Alan and Marilyn Bergman, music by Michel Legrand. Sung by Barbara Streisand in the film "Yentl" (1983, United Artists through MGM)

** "Your current boundaries were once unknown horizons" (anon) - a post I wrote previously about learning to swim

"We hold the key to our own peaceful mind" (Barb Schmidt)

This post was written following a talk I attended in Oxford on April 30^th 2015 at Waterstones, where I was  fortunate enough to meet Barb Schmidt, founder of Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life and author of “The Practice”* a new book about using simple strategies to find peace in a busy world.

 

Change happens one person at a time, one moment at a time. On Thursday evening, a series of events led to me attending a talk at a bookshop in Oxford, and meeting Barb Schmidt (Peaceful Barb), author of new book, "The Practice" about using simple strategies to live a peaceful life.

 

After a meditation session that evening, I chose to go to the café, saw a friend sat at a table reading, and then ran into another friend who asked  if I was staying for the talk. 

 

In the past I would have filled my evening with plans, whether by myself or with someone else. As I am becoming more peaceful, however, I am beginning to create  more time and space for myself, and that allows  me to respond in the moment. It allows me to change course and accept a new invitation or a new experience if it presents itself.

 

And this is how I came to find myself at Barb's talk, in the café that evening after they had closed, which she started with a 1 minute meditation.

 

The moment Barb began her talk with a 1 minute meditation, you could sense the peace that came over the small group of us in the room, in the silence of the café at dusk. As someone who has been meditating for more than a year, and can now sit silently and still for half an hour, Barb's one minute meditation was a reminder that I can connect with myself in my life, at any time. I don't have to wait until I can sit and meditate in a designated place to connect with myself and my innate inner peace.

 

Through connecting with ourselves first, we can connect with others. Inspired by Barb's story, I took a chance, and something prompted me to speak first, to have the courage to say something. By speaking first, and being willing to share my story, others followed. Afterwards an older gentleman, who had been sat to the right of me, approached me to say he was a fellow Dyspraxic**. This led to conversations with other members in the audience, meeting new people, and making new connections.

 

Throughout her talk and during the signing afterwards, Barb was warm and confident, and interested in everyone, hugging everyone as if she had known us for years. And she laughed when I told her I was looking forward to reading her book on my morning commute the next day, with highlighter in hand, as she told me she does the same!

 

It's a gift to allow people to be who they are. It's a gift that you can sense Barb gives away freely to every person she encounters. And as we practise accepting ourselves in each moment, we become peaceful.

As we accept ourselves, we begin to allow others to do the same. And in this way we can begin to find peace in every moment.

 

All it takes is practise.

 

Purlgirl xx

 

* "The Practice" (Barb Schmidt, Souvenir Press, 2015)

** I'm Dyspraxic and ADD, you can read more about my experiences and how I have come to accept my diagnosis on my blog Dyspraxic Pioneer

"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, a bird sings because it has a song" (Maya Angelou)

The sky is big enough for every bird

There is a bridge over the Thames River, near where I live, where I love to pause whilst crossing the bridge, whatever the time of day, to stand and look at the river and the meadow alongside it. Often my eyes are drawn to the sky, to the birds flying up above. 

Recently, I found myself looking up at a red kite soaring high up in the sky, so high up, it was as if he was touching the ceiling of the world. It was at that moment that I suddenly realised that the sky is big enough for every single bird, that there is enough space for every one of them, no matter what size, or how high they may fly. 

I realised then that if the sky is big enough for every bird, then maybe there is enough for everyone, and that in order to reach the moon, perhaps we have to help someone else get to Jupiter. 

Perhaps our dreams are so big for a reason, perhaps we are not meant to achieve them by ourselves alone. Perhaps we have to learn how to ask for help and how to give help in order to grow and achieve our goals. 

Perhaps courage is part of this challenge, the courage to tell someone our dream. It takes courage to tell someone your dream, you have to be brave enough to tell them, to open up. Until you tell them, if you don't open up and share what's in your heart, how can you know if they are meant to help you?

I have found myself surprised at times at the people who are able and willing to help me achieve certain things, simply because I told them what I wanted to do. Sometimes just telling someone has given me clarity and insight into what it is that I really want, and no further help is needed. They have provided a listening and encouraging ear, helping me to believe in myself, to bolster my belief that I can achieve my goal, whatever that goal happens to be. 

And that gives me the courage to begin my journey, and in turn to help others begin theirs. 

What's your dream? 

Purlgirl xx

"Always aim for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" (W. Clement Stone)

The curse of perfectionism - 80% is merit

Being diagnosed with ADD/Dyspraxia in my 30s was a huge relief. I could let go of the need to be perfect, because I wasn’t and couldn't be.

I have come to accept myself a lot more since I realised it, and recently I found myself aiming for 80% for a practical assessment for coaching, and realised that if I did get 80% it would be not just a merit, but a distinction.

How is that not good enough? 

I remember at school wanting to get 100, if I got 99, and wanting 101 if I got 100. Nothing was ever enough - I was never enough - even though it seemed that others were allowed to get less and were still given encouragement. I don't even remember what I felt when I got 100, if I ever even did.

All I do know is that I was never happy, never content. I had to be the best, because if I wasn't the best I wasn't good enough, but being the best made me fearful - what if I wasn't the best next time?

It takes a lot of nervous energy to be a perfectionist.  It's tiring, it's relentless and it never lets you stop.

And as I have got older and the projects and tasks have got bigger, it is actually impossible to manage - 100 means you have finished, but some things can't be finished in one day or one attempt.

But I wasn't allowed to rest until I had completed the tasks and I now realise that these were the heavy rocks that I mentally carried around with me. Somewhere along the line I realised that I had to break it down, perhaps because with the Dyspraxia I have to break some tasks down to the very smallest step to even start, because sometimes the smallest step is the key that unlocks everything else, or it's the obstacle that stops me moving forward at all. 

So I started breaking things down, rewarding myself for completing that step, even if it meant I had only sat down for an hour, and recognising that perhaps all I need is 80% for that step, and 80% for the next step.

Because 100 also means for the whole project, so I felt unable to break it down, and didn't even know where to begin.

And yet sometimes the only way to move forward is to begin, the only way to learn is to do (Amelia Earhart).

So here's to aiming for 80%, here's to good enough, here's to being the very best we can be this time and knowing that we can learn, and grow, and do better next time.

Purlgirl xx

"Buy yourself flowers, plant your own garden, decorate your soul" (Veronica Shoffstall)

 

Appreciating what we have

 

How many of us only buy flowers when we have guests?

 

When we were living in our rented house last year, the letting agency visited the house one day to perform a routine check, and I bought fresh flowers and cleared all surfaces in all rooms. The house looked spotless, and I remember my housemate at the time asked me if it wouldn't be lovely to come home to this every day, not just when the agency was visiting.

 

This Easter I bought chrysanthemums, and they lasted a month, and daffodils are always good value for money.

 

How many of us buy the luxurious wool for others, but not for ourselves? How many of us refuse to enjoy the cheap and cheerful yarn that makes others smile?

 

Maybe it wouldn't be practical to bring out the best china for every day use, but we  can certainly enjoy other things every day or every weekend.

 

If we make every day a special day, in some little way, we'll enjoy life more.

 

Purlgirl xx

 

“A diamond doesn't start out polished and shining. It once was nothing special, but with enough pressure and time, becomes spectacular.” Solange Nicole

Letting go, with time

I went on a retreat recently, and two things stood out for me on that weekend: We wrote down and burned what wanted to let go of, and we were asked to design our superhero emblem.

Immediately the image of a diamond with many facets, popped into my mind. An uncut diamond needs to be polished for each facet to sparkle and shine brightly.

Burning my list was just the start of letting go, but it's a starting point. In recognising what I was willing to let go of, and burning it, I feel as if I have started a process of transformation.

I realised this when I was cleaning house this afternoon. I realised all that I have been storing under the bed, and how much I have to keep pulling out from under the bed to hoover underneath. 

Perhaps we keep shifting things around when we're in a relationship, too. If we haven't dealt with it, we realise we have stuff under the bed and we have to pull it out to clean. So we resent doing it, or perhaps we just don't do it at all, we let it gather dust. And in time we hide it from others also, and we stop letting them in because we don’t want to admit what’s there.

I'm not willing do to this any more, so I'm only keeping the essentials. I'm willing to look into every corner of my house and my mind, and to decide and evaluate whether what is there is going to help me move forward, or not.

And if it's not “useful, beautiful or joyful” as Regina Brett says, I'm letting it go, even if it takes time.

Because I have finally realised that deep down I'm that diamond that needs to be polished, one facet at a time.

Purlgirl xx