"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." (Martin Luther King, Jr)

One stitch enough for me*

Since last summer, I have been working on improving my swimming. My initial aim was so that I could go swimming when I flew home to Namibia at Christmas, now it's so that I can have fun in the pool in Ibiza in September!

I took private swimming lessons last year and thought that would teach me to swim. Now I realise, that was only the starting point, the rest was  up to me.

I have been going to the outdoor pool near my house regularly last summer and this summer, and although I would try to swim a whole length, I was frustrated that I would reach the halfway point, and no further, I would put my feet down and stop. I was so focussed on the end result, I let myself be scared by how much further I had to go.

But sometimes all we need is that next step that moves us on. For me it has been being willing to persevere and go to the pool at least once a week, and to keep practising, even if I didn't make the whole length. I decided that just spending time in the water would improve my confidence and just spending time in this beautiful place was restorative. Some nights I even just sat on the sidelines and observed others, soaking in the atmosphere.

And then my friends Cally and Sarah decided to join me one Friday evening. Their acceptance of my ability, and their willingness to swim over to my side of the pool and be in the same place as me, encouraged me to keep persevering.

We just splashed around and laughed and enjoyed the moment, and this has created happy memories about going swimming with others. At first I valued the solitude, and the peacefulness of the venue, now I am beginning to associate it with enjoyment.

On Wednesday, I had a breakthrough. I realised that focussing on the end point when I reached the halfway point was taking me out of the moment and that when I got there, what I needed to do was to forget about reaching the wall and just focus on my stroke, on each breath, on where I was. And suddenly, I looked up and realised I was nearly there and my second wind kicked in to see me through.

The first time I really remember noticing this was when I did Race for life last June. I did the 5k, on my own, which can be more challenging because when there are two of you, you take turns encouraging each other to keep going. The marshalls along the way are supportive and that helps, but I can still remember how I felt when I looked up and realised I had just the last 200m to go to the finishing line, and that I was actually going to make it. At that moment, I didn't care what my time was, or  how many people had crossed that line ahead of me, it was enough for me to finish the race.

When we feel unsure or stuck, we just need to find that next step that moves us on. Find that next pattern, try something a little bit more intricate, a little bit more challenging, each time. Eventually we will see the whole ladder, but for now one step at a time is enough.

The Japanese call it Kaizen, continual improvement, but it's also climbing that mountain one step at a time.  

Purlgirl xx

* adapted from John Henry Newman's hymn, Lead Kindly Light - one step enough for me:

"Lead, kindly Light...Keep Thou my feet;
I do not ask to see
The distant scene; one step enough for me"

"Savour every stitch and row - it will be over before you know it" (Purlgirl)

Knit every stitch

Recently, I knitted a baby hat for a pregnant friend, I presented it to her at a birthday party, it was passed round everyone, and everyone admired it. 

I don't have a photo of the hat. I forgot to take one because I was rushing to give it to my friend. 

The truth is, this isn't the first time I've forgotten to take a photo of an item I have knitted, even though I intend to post it to Ravelry* at some stage. It's as if the moment I finish a project, I'm racing to begin the next one. I don't take the time to savour the accomplishment, to recognise my achievement, the effort I put into creating the item. I am constantly moving the goalposts so that my goals remain just that little bit out of reach.

Taking a photo of each completed project actually slows us down and reminds us to appreciate what we have already achieved. The visual reminder is a reward, concrete proof of what we have accomplished.

We need not fear we won't achieve anything new in the future, we are simply pausing a moment to acknowledge ourselves, to restore our energy and motivation so that we can tackle the next goal with renewed vigour.

If we don't enjoy it, we will forget to appreciate it, and be rushing after the next knitting project - and forget to take a photo.

Celebrate where you are.

Purlgirl xx

*https://www.ravelry.com, a website for knitters

"We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way" (Natasha Bedingfield)

Sometimes the only way to not make a mistake, is to have made it previously.

When I started knitting, I used to worry about making mistakes, I would become frustrated with myself when I dropped a stitch. Initially my fear was that I wouldn't be able to correct my mistakes, so I felt foolish for making them, like no-one else ever made mistakes. 

Several times, rather than ask for help, I would even unravel the entire piece of knitting rather than admit I had made a mistake. I would rather rip it up and start again, than reach out to someone who could help me. This was particularly true if it was not the first time I had made the mistake.

We've forgotten all the times we fell down when we were learning to walk. But we need to have just as much patience with ourselves now as our parents did then when we learn something new. We  have to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and encourage ourselves. Try again.  

With time we learn which mistakes we need to fix, the ones that left unattended would cause our work to unravel, and which mistakes are so minor that we can ignore them. The minor mistakes that we can make peace with,  embellish with a button or a patch, or even turn into a feature of our work.

We learn first to reach out and ask for help, from someone who has been there and made that mistake themselves. Over time, we learn to fix it ourselves, to pick up that dropped stitch, to pull back a few rows if needed. With practise we come to recognise the signs when we are about to make that mistake, and we can avoid making it in the first place.

And if we learn how to fix our mistakes and how to pick ourselves (and not just our dropped stitches) back up, we can knit on because we know we will handle it!

Purlgirl xx

"Your current safe boundaries now were once unknown frontiers" (anon)

Expanding our horizons

This quote reminds me that there are always new experiences out there.

This year I celebrated my birthday by going for an early morning swim at the outdoor pool near my house before going to work. In September I will be going on a dance holiday for a whole week in Ibiza. Two years ago I couldn't have visualised doing either of those things - I told myself I couldn't swim, and I had only just signed up for my first dance weekender. 

Then I visited my friend Nadean in Turkey and discovered that for someone who couldn't swim, I'm quite the waterbaby, and discovered that dancing til dawn on a weekend away is utter bliss, so what could be better than a week of dancing in Ibiza? (there's a pool at the hotel, too, so I'll need to practise my swimming for September!)

I have recently finished knitting a hood with cables, something else I would never have envisaged myself doing a few years ago. The first few times I came across cables, I couldn't get my head around them, and the first time I attempted them, I wasn't successful. 

But then I found a pattern for a hood with cables, and I loved the pattern so much I was inspired and motivated to knit the hood, which meant I had to conquer my fear of cables. 

And now that I have become comfortable knitting cables, I want to learn to do lace patterns next. 

In 2010, I signed up to my first 5k Race for Life in Bristol, and this year is the 3rd year in a row I have done it. The first year we did it in 44 minutes, last year I did it in 42, and this year my friend Kathryn and I did it in under 40 minutes. And now that I know I can do the 5k, I want to try the 10k next year! 

We take it for granted that children will learn to walk, even though it can take babies up to 2 years to learn, but those baby steps are just the beginning, and what starts out as crawling, eventually turns into walking and skipping and running. 

We may feel comfortable where we are now, but really, in some aspects of our lives, we are just learning to walk. We may even still just be beginning to crawl, but if we remember that we learned to walk and talk, we can have faith that we will get better as long as we persist. 

We may not always be able to see the improvement with every attempt, but if we stick with it, we will find that moment when it all comes together. 

That's when we lift up our eyes to the horizon to seek the next unknown frontier to explore and conquer. 

Purlgirl xx

“Today is the future I created yesterday” (Louise Hay)

Visualising who we want to be

Recently I celebrated my 10 year anniversary of moving to the UK. Growing up, I always knew that I was going to live in the UK. I didn’t know how, I just did.

Had you asked me at 17 where I saw my future self, I would have told you I would be living in the UK - I know, because a friend recently told me that's all I talked about when I was in High School. I even checked what I wrote in my year book when I was home with my parents over Christmas, and there it was in black and white, "In ten years I see myself living in the English countryside, with my English husband and our three children".

Well, one of out three isn't bad! (I guess Oxford could qualify for the English countryside)

4 years ago, I knew I wanted to work in Publishing. I had no particular proof, I just knew it.

So I talked about it, imagined it, visualised it, asked myself what steps I needed to take to get there. I even had a back-up plan; if I didn't get the job I really wanted - the one I am in now - I would go back to Bristol and approach it from a different angle, to get the experience I needed to get into Publishing.

And suddenly, I found myself where I had wanted to be.

I think the best way to illustrate how we can live up to our vision, though, is through my friend Sarah, who has slimmed down, and dropped 3 dress sizes this year. One day we looked at her and saw a new person - she had to get used to being that new sporty, active, healthy person.

We need to live ourselves into the new person we are becoming, and bear in mind what we are aiming for, and just like a knitted pattern, we start to take shape, and suddenly we can visualise what it is going to look like.

The transformation itself happens gradually.

Realising how much we have changed strikes us like a flash of lightning.

Purlgirl xx

"Welcome to wherever you are, this is your life, you've made it this far" (Bon Jovi)

Leaving it as we would wish to find it

When we read a book, a bookmark allows us to mark the place we had reached, so that we can put the book down in the confidence that we will be able to find our place and continue reading. 

I realised recently that there is a great delight to be had in knowing that when I pick up my knitting, I can simply continue where I left off, be it the start of a new row, or a new section of my pattern. My little knitting notebook helps me to keep track of where I am and what I have to do next, and serves as a guide to the next step. 


We need not complete the task at hand in one sitting, however, we need to leave off at a point where we will know where we are when we come back to it. 

Whether it's packing our handbag in readiness for work the night before, or finding out where everything lives and returning it to its home, we feel a sense of peace when we leave it behind. And when we come back, we can see how far we have come. We know where we are and we can move forward. 

If we leave everything as we wish to find it, it's as if we are bookmarking our lives, we can see how far we have come, and we give ourselves the energy/motivation to carry on. 

Though it may not be complete, leave nothing unfinished.

Where are you right now? 

Purlgirl xx

"Angels fly because they carry themselves lightly." (Gilbert K. Chesterton)

Letting go of what we no longer need

If I no longer love my yarn, it's up to me to give it away and let someone else discover it for their own new project. 

There is only so much time, and we need to let go, let go of the projects that we once thought we would knit, let go of the wool we no longer love, and let go of the thoughts we no longer need. 

We let go by realising what we truly need, not what we must let go of, and once we can see what we need, and we find space for it, the rest falls away easily. 

I have been spring cleaning this week, and this time my focus has not been just on tidying my room, but on organising my room, on finding where everything lives, even if perhaps that's not where I would expect others to put it.

And sometimes when we clear out our wardrobes, we clear out the old thoughts in our minds, too, and we make space for the future.  

Purlgirl xx