"Buy yourself flowers, plant your own garden, decorate your soul" (Veronica Shoffstall)

 

Appreciating what we have

 

How many of us only buy flowers when we have guests?

 

When we were living in our rented house last year, the letting agency visited the house one day to perform a routine check, and I bought fresh flowers and cleared all surfaces in all rooms. The house looked spotless, and I remember my housemate at the time asked me if it wouldn't be lovely to come home to this every day, not just when the agency was visiting.

 

This Easter I bought chrysanthemums, and they lasted a month, and daffodils are always good value for money.

 

How many of us buy the luxurious wool for others, but not for ourselves? How many of us refuse to enjoy the cheap and cheerful yarn that makes others smile?

 

Maybe it wouldn't be practical to bring out the best china for every day use, but we  can certainly enjoy other things every day or every weekend.

 

If we make every day a special day, in some little way, we'll enjoy life more.

 

Purlgirl xx

 

“A diamond doesn't start out polished and shining. It once was nothing special, but with enough pressure and time, becomes spectacular.” Solange Nicole

Letting go, with time

I went on a retreat recently, and two things stood out for me on that weekend: We wrote down and burned what wanted to let go of, and we were asked to design our superhero emblem.

Immediately the image of a diamond with many facets, popped into my mind. An uncut diamond needs to be polished for each facet to sparkle and shine brightly.

Burning my list was just the start of letting go, but it's a starting point. In recognising what I was willing to let go of, and burning it, I feel as if I have started a process of transformation.

I realised this when I was cleaning house this afternoon. I realised all that I have been storing under the bed, and how much I have to keep pulling out from under the bed to hoover underneath. 

Perhaps we keep shifting things around when we're in a relationship, too. If we haven't dealt with it, we realise we have stuff under the bed and we have to pull it out to clean. So we resent doing it, or perhaps we just don't do it at all, we let it gather dust. And in time we hide it from others also, and we stop letting them in because we don’t want to admit what’s there.

I'm not willing do to this any more, so I'm only keeping the essentials. I'm willing to look into every corner of my house and my mind, and to decide and evaluate whether what is there is going to help me move forward, or not.

And if it's not “useful, beautiful or joyful” as Regina Brett says, I'm letting it go, even if it takes time.

Because I have finally realised that deep down I'm that diamond that needs to be polished, one facet at a time.

Purlgirl xx

“I think somehow we learn who we really are and then we live with that decision.” (Eleanor Roosevelt)

My boudoir photo shoot: 

I've done a photo shoot 3 times in my life until now - when I was 22, when I was convinced I couldn't look beautiful, and ended up buying a beautiful leather book of 10 glossy photos. When I turned 30 and moved cities, changed jobs and was not able to go back to South Africa for a friend's wedding. 

And now this time. 

Each time I have had the photos taken, I've worn my own clothes and I've eventually relaxed and discovered a new side of myself. There is something liberating about seeing yourself in a new light, because it's a new photographer, you are a new person and it's a new environment. 

The first time I discovered that I am beautiful, and that I have a lovely smile and when I smile that there is a light that shines out from within. I carried that visual image around with me for 8 years, from house to house, city to city. It really struck home when I showed it to my friend, and said "but that's not really me, it's the make-up and the photographer was great" and she pointed out that the photos really *were* me, just an enhanced version of me. 

That thought has stayed with me ever since, and I still love the photos. 

When I turned 30, I felt it was time to do some more photos, to commemorate the way my life had changed, and to recognise that I had reached a milestone, turning 30 and seeing myself as a woman. The photos are beautiful, they were done with various backgrounds and in colour, black & white and sepia. They look like a photo shoot from a magazine, and I love them - they show a woman, who had blossomed and grown into a new person. 

And now, 6 years later, I decided it was time to do another set. A few reasons contributed to this, my brother getting married earlier this year, and being bridesmaid on the day, brought me to the realisation that whilst weddings are beautiful occasions, I don't need to wait until my wedding day to do a photo shoot to celebrate my femininity and to feel comfortable in my own skin. 

I'd looked into professional photographers, but when I mentioned this idea to a friend, it came to light that she was interested in doing this, and so I booked  a session. 

I'm so glad I did, doing a photo shoot with a close friend is very different, not least because they know you, and that brings a very different dimension to the experience. It allows you to be yourself, because they know you and your style and can suggest new ideas and ways to be. 

I'm excited to see how these photos develop, it will be a visual record of how I have grown and changed and evolved over time. 

I look forward to having a new visual image to carry around in my head with me of this person that I have become, and wonder what the next photo shoot will celebrate. 

Purlgirl xx

“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.” (Heraclitus)

I've now been in the UK for 12 years, and in Oxford for 6, half of all that time. 

Earlier this month, I took the same trip from Bristol to Oxford that I took exactly 6 years ago - on exactly the same day of the week. Retracing my steps showed me just how far I have come. 

And just last week at dancing, I asked two men to dance whom I would never in my wildest dreams have imagined I would ever be able to walk up to and ask if they wanted to dance. 

Interestingly, one of them remembered me, and the other one didn't recognise me at all. I like to think that's because I have changed so much over the past 6 years, not least my new haircut. 

But what struck me was not that I wasn't scared to ask them to dance, scared that they might turn me down, but that I felt I was good enough to ask them to dance with me, and that whilst I was dancing with them, I was focussed on the dance and not the mistakes I might have been making. Because they wouldn't point out mistakes, they would give me the opportunity to learn and perhaps admire the attempts, admire my progress. 

It's interesting that the dance floor had been redone for that night. 

It made me realise that I am not the same woman, nor was it the same dance floor.* 

Purlgirl xx

*with apologies to Heraclitus

"You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and you've climbed a mountain.” (Tom Hiddleston)

* Update, I completed the 100 Happy Days challenge on Friday, 7th June 2014. 100 days, 100 photos to capture the little things that made each day worthwhile. I've decided to continue taking photos of the things that make me happy, with my own hash tag - ##anotherhappypearl

Knit each step, but look at the pattern

When you're knitting a project, you have to knit each stitch, but as I knit more, I begin to realise that with Mindfulness, whilst you need to knit each stitch, you also have to move on to the next one, and every now and again step back and look at the whole to see if the pattern looks right.

In time, you learn to read the pattern, no matter how complicated, and ask yourself, “Does this look right to you?”

But you don't count every stitch, or you'd lose your motivation, you take each one as it comes.

This year, I signed up to the 100 Happy Days Challenge, a challenge to find something to photograph something makes me happy every day for 100 days. I am on Day 52 – past the halfway mark and reaching Day 50 feels like a milestone. I have become used to taking a photo every day, one step at a time.

My friend Caroline is at the final stages of sewing together around 120 squares that she crocheted over a few years to make a blanket for her bed. I remember when she started, and how I admire her perseverance. If she had focussed on the number she needed to do, instead of crocheting each one, one at a time, she might never have finished.

The same goes at work, when you're having a busy day and there's lots going on, it's easy to get lost in the “busy work”, when really it's the significant few that make the difference. (Stephen Covey, "First Things First")

I'm learning to do this at work. When I work on a task, to go ahead with the task and then to pause and look at the pattern; to find the pattern and check what is out of place, rather than focussing on each individual step and getting lost in the small.

And to focus on the finishing touches, as a way of reminding myself when I have achieved it, e.g. every morning when I put my ear-rings in, they're the finishing touch to my outfit. Then slipping my feet into my shoes and opening the curtains to let the daylight in just before I leave the house. 

This is the finishing touch that tells me I'm ready to leave the house and start my day.

What’s the point that triggers the next step and lets you move forward and climb your mountain? 

Purlgirl xx

"Sometimes a little bit of space is all you need to realise what you truly want." (Unknown)

* This is my 30th post, and on 24th March it will be 2 years since I wrote my first. Thank you to all my readers for your support and for letting me share my thoughts with you. 

Creating space in my life

When I was younger I hated tidying my room. Now I feel good when it is tidy; I feel like I have space to think and be.

Recently I bought a super king-size duvet for my bed - inspired by a stay in a fabulous hotel in my home town of Swakopmund, whilst I was there.

That one night away from home changed everything. My friend Georgi suggested we go on holiday together the next time I'm home, and my parents recognised that I needed my own space, even if only for one night, and that I am independent and can pay my own way.

Paying for it myself, not through anyone else, made a difference. I didn’t settle for less than I wanted by having two nights in an inexpensive venue. I’d met an overseas tourist who had stayed there, so chose it too when I realised I'd wanted to. Realising it didn't matter what anyone thought, it's my life, and in some cases telling people only after I'd signed in. I decided it was something I'd always secretly wanted to do, and realising I could.

I was greeted with a drink at registration at the hotel, and that evening my friends came back to the bar for a nightcap after we had dinner in a restaurant I remembered from my childhood as being a special place.

And one night makes a difference. We often think we need oodles of time, when actually just waking up in a different bed is all we need.

All of this led to me coming back to the UK and redesigning my room - my “boudoir” - where I can get in touch with my emotions. Even though the bed fills more space, there is still plenty of space for me and enough still to dance and move around, just as there will be in a relationship.

Part of this redecoration is choosing to keep only the outfits that express who I am now, the way you do when you choose your best outfits to pack for an overnight stay in a hotel.

And perhaps realising that's who you've been all along.

Purlgirl xx

“Sometimes you have to take a step back to move forward” (Erika Taylor)

A new skin means shedding the old one. 

I've moved into a new place, and I am living on my own for the first time. It's exciting, I'm standing on the cusp of a new life and finding out who I am.  

My brother has just started a new life, too. He got married on Friday, as I was moving into my new place. It was a paper ceremony - the official wedding party with the white dress is in February - and I can't wait to go home in the new year, to be bridesmaid and to celebrate with them. 

And I realised that if we marry, the change is obvious, the bride wears a wedding dress, she may even change her name, and there is a ceremony to mark the event. We are beginning a new life, and we are leaving the past behind. No matter how small, our identity changes. 

In a way, I had my own "ceremony" to mark my event - a flatwarming party on Saturday evening, co-hosted with my new landlord, with music and dancing (what else!) with my friends, and new acquaintances and neighbours. 

What a great way to start a new tenancy. I met new people through the party and it was really special to let people into my living space, especially when a friend commented on how homely the flat felt. She asked how long I had been living there, and I could tell her, since Wednesday! 

Moving out of the previous house has been a real watershed for me. I thought the hardest part would be the move and the inventory check, but that wasn't the end, and even now, having moved in and unpacked, it will still take some time to adjust to a new environment and to create new rituals and relationships. 

I was fortunate to have a transition period, where I stayed with a friend for a few weeks whilst I waited for the flat to be ready. He lives about 10 doors up the road from where I first lived when I arrived in Oxford. So you could say it was literally a step back, and a nice way to bookend the time I spent in the other house. It was an opportunity to see how far I have come, and what I have kept that was good. 

When I moved out, I was fortunate enough to be able to move my things to the new place. I only took the vital things with me when I was staying with my friend. This meant when I moved into the flat officially last Wednesday, everything was already there for me. 

I unpacked things, and then moved the rest of the things over, and I did it over the course of a few days. I have found a place for everything, and on Saturday we co-hosted the party by having the drinks on my floor, and the food on his floor upstairs in the main house. And everyone came and danced, and helped me to warm my new flat.

Clearing the previous house made me realise just what all the previous tenants had left behind as each one had moved out over the course of the past 10 years, and that we often accept what others leave behind simply because we can't tell the difference, or don't realise that they  have done so. We have to decide - Do we accept that, what do we keep, and what do we take with us? 

And this is the first time I am living by myself, and the first time that I am moving in at the start of a tenancy. So I am truly starting on a fresh page. 

Once I had settled in, I could see what I really need, and what I can let go of because it is no longer necessary. I can also see how everything I have allows me to express myself and my identity. When you walk into the flat, it's clear that I am the one who is currently living here. 

Now everything I see is me, and I am totally responsible. If it's messy, it's my mess. If it's tidy, it's up to me. And I get to decorate it just the way I want to. It's furnished, so there is a lot that is already there, but just being in a new space, and looking at my things after a break of 3 weeks has given me a better idea of what fits, and what doesn't belong. 

And because my bedroom is also my living room, I need to keep it tidy. It is taking a bit of getting used to, but I find I like it, and it was wonderful to have all my friends come and dance in my living room on Saturday. I will cherish the memories, and probably find myself dancing around the living room often myself! 

I am looking forward to discovering who the new me is in this flat. I already know she's colourful, and bright and sociable. I also know she's comfortable in her own skin. 

As for the rest, who knows? Only time will tell. 

Purlgirl

xx