Breathing out

I wrote this last September. I found it over the weekend and am sharing it now, as it reminds me of this.

I've finally come to the realisation that autumn really is my favourite time of the year, and that if I had to pick a favourite month, it would be September.

Without a doubt, every year on the 1st of September, I feel like I can let go, I can relax, and I can stop holding my breath.

I think it may partly be to do with spending June, July and August wishing it to be sunny and warm - if the weather is changeable in June and July, as many years it is wont to be, it feels as if I am having to wait for August to make up for it. And if it's a glorious summer, with wall-to-wall sunshine, and long hot sunny days, no matter how much I enjoy myself, and make the most of it, in the back of my mind there is the realisation that this can't last, even if it's sunny until the 31st of August, the summer will eventually come to a close.

And at other times the sunny weather can even seem to create a peculiar kind of pressure - to feel as though I must do something; it's not acceptable to be indoors, to not want to go outside and sit in the park. In addition to this, summer is that time of year when the majority of people go away on their summer holidays, and whilst I may have exactly the same amount of annual leave days in a year as my colleagues, it can feel as though they have more - simply because most years I need to save up a longer portion of my holidays to fly to Namibia, and visit my family. When you're flying 8,000km to go home, you want to make the most of it, and one week or 10 days is barely enough time to recover from the travel (fortunately no jet-lag), and going in August is not ideal because it's their winter.

So all of this, combining the tales of other people's exotic holidays, which they are either going on, or returning from, can make it feel as if the summer is endless.

When I worked on a temporary contract in Bristol years ago, this didn't bother me, because I was in demand in the summer, and I was covering for people I didn't know, and wouldn't meet. Plus, the more I worked, the more money I could save up, so there was a reward in doing as many hours as possible, and I could enjoy the sunshine at lunch, and after work. 

In Bristol, I used to walk home via one of the parks near the Avon River, and one of my favourite things to do on my way home was to find a spot overlooking the river, and to sit and be with my thoughts; I might sit and write, or reflect on the day, or simply watch the seagulls wheeling above the river. This was a time of peace that I would relish every day whilst I was at work. I knew I could savour it later, once I'd completed my responsibilities.

A few years ago, a group of dance friends and I signed up for a dance holiday in Ibiza in late September. That summer was amazing; I had something to look forward to all summer, friends to share in the excitement and run-up to the holiday. Plus it was all-inclusive - including all meals, all expenses and dance lessons, which to someone like me, who finds organising the minutiae of a holiday challenging, if not time-consuming, was ideal. All I had to do was pack my bags, and remember my dance shoes, and I was ready go to!

It has reminded me that it's good to have something to look forward to over the summer, to try and build in time to rest and to remind myself that all I have to do is make it through to September, that golden month when I can pause and take stock of what I have achieved, and recognise I still have 3 months to ensure I make the year one to remember.

Purlgirl