"When the student is ready, the teacher appears" (Buddhist proverb)

Mastering ourselves

As I grow older, - and hopefully wiser - I am coming to the realisation that if we are open to it, everyone we encounter in our lives is here to teach us something.

A few are there to help us master ourselves by pushing us beyond our comfort zone. Sometimes we choose them, like when I decided to go for private swimming lessons 2 years ago, because I realised I needed the personal tuition. My instructor pushed me even when I didn't think I could learn. And even though I didn't fully learn to swim through those lessons alone, they prepared me for the breakthrough when I continued practising at the outdoor pool that summer. Eventually, after much practise, it all fell into place and now I love to swim.  

Or when I decided to ask the personal trainer at the gym to come up with a workout programme last weekend - because they know what we can do, even if we can't - and sometimes we need someone else to believe in us first.

Because they know what we need to learn. They can see the areas we need to work on, and they can advise us on the concrete steps we need to take to reach higher.

They hold us accountable, and give us the action steps to follow through so that we know what we have to do to achieve our goal. They give us the starting point, and then we are on our own. If we are willing to learn, it's like they wind us up, set us down and watch us go.

There are many instances in our lives where the teacher appears. Sometimes we approach them because we are ready to ask for the help and support. They may be professionals, who can advise us best on how to improve a skill, style our hair, add to our wardrobe, or learn how to drive. 

Other times they appear, in the way that relationships teach us about ourselves so that we can become more loving people. 

Relationships hold up a mirror to who we really are because we get closer to other people. We think we see ourselves as others see us, but really we are coming face to face with our own reflection, and our own insecurities. If we have not accepted them as a part of the whole, relationships have a way of bringing them bubbling up to the surface.

They may be the people in our lives - sometimes just knowing that your friends are achieving certain goals can be the catalyst to show you what you want, to teach you how to reach that goal yourself. Ever realised that you wanted to own your own home because a friend bought a house?

Even if we have our own dreams, this is how we come face to face with our hopes and desires, and can be guided in the right direction on our path.

The question is, are we ready to commit to learning, and to grow?

Purlgirl xx

"Let go and let the river carry you to new adventures" (Susan Jeffers*)

Let go and flow

Happy new year everyone! Today was the first day back at work for many of us, and many people will be feeling, no matter how much leave we have had, that the break was all too brief. 

Well, if there's something I have learned this past year, it's that life is all too brief, and we have to make the most of every day! 

2012 was by no means a perfect year, and it had its ups and downs, but it was also a year of adventures and new experiences. I've already written about Ibiza, and that was amazing, but looking back, one day in particular stands out from last year. 

It's funny how one thing can lead to another in life. I was in Bristol in August, for the annual Balloon Fiesta, and a friend invited me to dinner with another friend of hers. We chose to get Chinese takeaway, and whilst waiting we picked up a copy of "What's on in Bristol" and spotted an advert for a knittathon to raise money for the Victorian Pier in Clevedon, a little seaside town near Bristol.

I was intrigued by the event, and excited by the idea of spending a day in the company of other knitters attempting to knit a single continuous scarf to “yarn bomb” the pier. I decided as I am head of my knitting group at work, I had to be part of it!

I mentioned it to my friend Sarah, who said it sounded like fun, and she would drive us down to Clevedon for the day.  Soon, it turned out that 6 of us from Oxford were driving down to Clevedon Pier on the Bank Holiday Sunday.

The day itself dawned as a perfect sunny day for driving down from Oxford, to the seaside.

And because I had called ahead to let the organisers know we were on our way, everyone recognised us as the "Oxford Contingent" when we turned up!  

That day really stands out in my memory, because of the people we met; the discussions we had throughout the day, whilst knitting the different colours together to form one long continuous scarf for the pier. We had been asked to decorate and bring a yarn bucket on the day. I had huge fun decorating my own - a clothes peg basket – with materials from my stash, using buttons, safety pins, stickers, measuring tape and even a row counter to customise it. 

We met new people of all ages and from all walks of life - from Bristol, Clevedon and as far afield as Manchester. From 8 to 83, including a woman who is an engineer for Rolls Royce in Bristol, and a handful of men who knitted – as well as 2 little boys aged 8! For that one day, everyone was in it together, knitting all the colours together.

The pier was meant to close at 4, then 5, and finally at 6, as the day was drawing to a close, we finished. And we were the last ones there.

It was such an exhilarating day, to discover what we were capable of - who knew we could knit for 7 hours!

We never know where the river may lead us. Sometimes we just need to listen to that little voice that says, "that sounds like fun, let's do it!"

Here's to new adventures in 2013!

Purlgirl xx

* in memory of Susan Jeffers, who passed away October 27th, 2012. RIP Susan

"Sometimes it's important to work for that pot of gold. But other times it's essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow." (Douglas Pagels)

Live your life now, not just on holiday

Holidays are great! They're an opportunity to try new experiences, wake up in a new environment, meet new people and to take a break from our everyday lives. 

On the dance holiday in Ibiza recently, I told a friend I forget the rest of the world when I dance. She pointed out she finds her true self when she dances. Our holiday experience is unique to us - we find our true selves when we go on holiday.

We are so good to ourselves on holiday. We listen to ourselves, we nurture our souls, our bodies. Even those people who go out partying all night, because they sleep late the next day and take their time to rest, to recover and recharge. They honour their bodies, and their own needs, which are individual to each of us.

What I loved about the Ibiza holiday was that it was all-inclusive, someone else provided the food and organised the dance classes and freestyles. For a week, all I had to do was turn up. And even though I was there as part of a large group, I was still able to carve out alone-time for myself for a little while every day, whether that was spending time on the beach or dozing by the pool.

Because everything was organised, I was able to really relax, and just go with the flow. I was able to listen to my instincts, to eat, sleep and do whatever felt right in that moment, even if that meant finishing off every single meal with a slice of watermelon. 

On her holiday in Grenada, my friend Zoe discovered she really likes essential oil burners with essence of Jasmine. She has recently bought these for herself, to incorporate them into her everyday life, so that she can recreate that holiday feeling.

This is the true joy of going on holiday - we come back with new eyes, new rituals for our everyday life and maybe even a new haircut!

And with time, we realise that we can't wait until our holidays to do that - because real life is every day!

How many times have we wanted to just be a tourist in our own home town?

Which colour of the rainbow will you slide down to today? 

Purlgirl

xx

“Sometimes when learning comes before experience it doesn't make sense right away.” Richard David Bach

Learning through teaching

Delegating and teaching new people - the best way to realise how much you know and to discover new and quicker ways of doing things. 

Those we instruct teach us as well. It's only when we show someone else how to do something that has become second nature that we realise how fast we do it, and realise that we aren't a beginner any more. 

Sometimes we are so focussed on catching up with the people who are ahead of us, that we don't realise how far we have come. It's only when we understand that we need to pause, and step back, to walk back and guide someone who is just starting the same journey that we can see the distance we have travelled. 

New people look at things differently; they see the same circumstances that we have become accustomed to through fresh eyes. Once we stand in their shoes, we can see the path from their point of view, and when we walk the path alongside them, we may see how we have been taking the long way round. If we are open to doing things differently, we may find that they can show us how we can do better. 

"While we teach, we learn" said the Roman philosopher, Seneca. While we teach, we realise what we need to learn through teaching. It goes both ways: the student teaches the master just as much as the master teaches the student. And everyone learns differently and at a different pace, so we can learn something new from each person we teach. This can open up a whole new perspective on our experiences. 

This is a wonderful idea and we should be open to hearing their thoughts, and listening to their ideas, because we never know what new insights we may gain. 

How can we learn if we don't open ourselves up? 

Purlgirl xx

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." (Buddha)

Be your guest

On Monday morning, I returned home at 1am from a weekend of dancing. I had a fantastic time on the dance weekender, and had forgotten that I had taken the time to leave my room tidy and organised, so it was wonderful to be greeted by a warm and inviting house at that time of the morning. 

How do you feel coming back to your home? Does it feel welcoming?

Have you ever had to let someone see your home, your computer, your desk, and realised at that point how it looks to the eyes of others? We often accept a lower standard for ourselves than we do for others, for guests. We need to be our own guests.

The week in Ibiza in September reminded me how I want my home to be every day - admittedly, we were very fortunate on holiday - I don't live in a four-star hotel, or have armies of servants to cook and clean every day, but it set the standard for orderliness and how I would like my home to be a haven. 

I find coming home at 1 in the morning is the best way to see your life through the eyes of an outsider. Did you leave in a rush, with everything in disarray, or did you leave everything as you would wish to find it? Would you want to welcome in an unexpected guest?

I compare it to the feeling you get when you see yourself on screen for the first time - it can be a shock to the system to see and hear yourself the way others do - but seeing yourself objectively is invaluable. It gives you the opportunity to ask yourself if that is an accurate reflection of who you really are. To ask yourself if that is how you want others to see you. 

I've had myself filmed twice now, once with dancing, and once with presenting. Both videos have given me the opportunity to connect how I see myself with how others see me, to make me more self-aware when I am dancing or presenting, to see myself in my mind's eye. They serve as a positive reinforcement of what works, and a constructive reminder of what I want to improve.  

And because I am aware of what I want to improve, I have taken every opportunity to practise - presenting at work, going on a dance holiday, going on dance weekenders. It's true what they say about practise. It makes you better. 

Seeing yourself on screen allows you to objectively compare yourself to others, because you can see for yourself what you do well and what your areas of improvement are. 

You need to let others see the real you. I recently attended a local speakers' group for the first time to observe as a guest. I stood up and introduced myself, and volunteered to do the 2 minute impromptu speech on an unprepared topic. 

I surprised myself by speaking for the full 2 minutes, and the members of the group surprised me by their compliments of my first attempt, and how supportive they were. I'm glad I dived right in, it gave me the chance to express myself and to realise I can do this. 

You have to let others see what you are doing, you have to open up the doors and let them in. You have to open yourself up, and trust that if you like what you do, others will too. 

It's the only way you will learn what you need to change. 

Are you willing to open yourself up? 

Purlgirl xx

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” Anna Quindlen

Leave nothing unfinished

There is something wonderful about knitting for other people, simply for the fact that we are making something by hand for another person, but there is also something magical in wearing and using our own knitted projects.

And often when we are knitting for someone else, there is a due date attached to the project, a birthday, Christmas, the birth of a baby. When we knit for ourselves, though, there isn't really a deadline, and it's often tempting once we have cast off, to begin a new project that has caught our eye, rather than finishing off the project we have been working on. 

I realised recently, however, that the real reason I was holding off finishing a knitted item was because once I finished it, I would have to wear it and show it to others. I find it interesting that I don't mind finishing off items for other people, but not for myself. I began to see that I didn't want to judge myself, or have anyone else judge something I had created, whereas a gift is more likely to be appreciated in the spirit it was given. Much safer to hold onto my own unfinished article, so that I didn't need to fear the possibility that someone might criticise it, or spot a flaw which I knew was hiding in the folds of my knitting somewhere, whether or not (as I stated in a previous post), I had sewn a button on it.

Well, the Quakers used to say that you should always have one mistake in your work - because no-one is perfect, only God. 

So that might be a good excuse if anyone should say anything. Truth be told, though, I have found from experience that the only one who is obsessed with that flaw is me. Because I know it's there. No-one else sees it, because they aren't looking for it. 

I am learning that although getting started is the hardest part, and that finishing is almost as hard, there is a sense of genuine satisfaction in finishing something, and that we are our own harshest critics - ever notice how others think that what you have done is just fine?

Instead of look at it with the critical eyes that we imagine others might have, we may need to recognise that we are judging ourselves, and that we are taking away the enjoyment of finishing the project. And that if we can't stop our critical tendencies, then to ask ourselves what we would say if our friend had knitted it? Because we would never be as critical of others as we are of ourselves.

And sometimes we come back to something a little while later, look at it with fresh eyes and realise how good it was all along! 

Purlgirl

xx

"Shine a light on your good qualities" (Crystal Andrus)

I went on a dance holiday in September, in Ibiza. It was a whole week of classes and opportunities to dance with other dancers. Some of these dancers on the holiday were more advanced than me, but the ones I can guarantee were better, were the instructors. 

And for the first time, half-way through the holiday, I decided I was going to dance with all three of the instructors as well as the best male dancer. I've been to a few dance weekenders now, and until Ibiza, I didn't have the courage to ask the teachers to dance. I might ask them to show me a move at the end of the lesson, I might even say hello, but until now I haven't had the courage to ask them to dance, believing that I was anywhere near good enough. 

But here's the thing, I've finally realised that the only way to realise what you need to learn is to ask the more advanced dancers to dance with you, and to be willing to dance with them even though you might make a mistake, or need to adjust to their style. 

This holiday I wore every sparkly outfit I have, we sat at the same table with the instructors at dinner, we relaxed around the pool with them, and you realise they're just people who can dance better than you can. That's why they're the teachers, they're there to teach us. And although we can attend every lesson and practise every step and technique they teach us, the only way to really learn, is to dance with them. 

Wearing  my sparkliest dress one night may have been a boost to my confidence to ask one of the instructors -  it certainly helped that I felt my best. I just went up and asked one of the instructors to dance - and I kept up with him. I also realised I didn't need to constantly anticipate his next move, I just had to be in the move at that moment, and let the next moment happen, and dance. 

That dance and realising that I could keep up with Kevin, gave me the confidence to ask the more experienced instructor two nights later, and by the last night I even asked the best male dancer to dance! And this time I could shine a light on my good qualities and laugh at any mis-steps and most importantly of all

- enjoy the dance!

Purlgirl 

xx