"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." (Buddha)

Be your guest

On Monday morning, I returned home at 1am from a weekend of dancing. I had a fantastic time on the dance weekender, and had forgotten that I had taken the time to leave my room tidy and organised, so it was wonderful to be greeted by a warm and inviting house at that time of the morning. 

How do you feel coming back to your home? Does it feel welcoming?

Have you ever had to let someone see your home, your computer, your desk, and realised at that point how it looks to the eyes of others? We often accept a lower standard for ourselves than we do for others, for guests. We need to be our own guests.

The week in Ibiza in September reminded me how I want my home to be every day - admittedly, we were very fortunate on holiday - I don't live in a four-star hotel, or have armies of servants to cook and clean every day, but it set the standard for orderliness and how I would like my home to be a haven. 

I find coming home at 1 in the morning is the best way to see your life through the eyes of an outsider. Did you leave in a rush, with everything in disarray, or did you leave everything as you would wish to find it? Would you want to welcome in an unexpected guest?

I compare it to the feeling you get when you see yourself on screen for the first time - it can be a shock to the system to see and hear yourself the way others do - but seeing yourself objectively is invaluable. It gives you the opportunity to ask yourself if that is an accurate reflection of who you really are. To ask yourself if that is how you want others to see you. 

I've had myself filmed twice now, once with dancing, and once with presenting. Both videos have given me the opportunity to connect how I see myself with how others see me, to make me more self-aware when I am dancing or presenting, to see myself in my mind's eye. They serve as a positive reinforcement of what works, and a constructive reminder of what I want to improve.  

And because I am aware of what I want to improve, I have taken every opportunity to practise - presenting at work, going on a dance holiday, going on dance weekenders. It's true what they say about practise. It makes you better. 

Seeing yourself on screen allows you to objectively compare yourself to others, because you can see for yourself what you do well and what your areas of improvement are. 

You need to let others see the real you. I recently attended a local speakers' group for the first time to observe as a guest. I stood up and introduced myself, and volunteered to do the 2 minute impromptu speech on an unprepared topic. 

I surprised myself by speaking for the full 2 minutes, and the members of the group surprised me by their compliments of my first attempt, and how supportive they were. I'm glad I dived right in, it gave me the chance to express myself and to realise I can do this. 

You have to let others see what you are doing, you have to open up the doors and let them in. You have to open yourself up, and trust that if you like what you do, others will too. 

It's the only way you will learn what you need to change. 

Are you willing to open yourself up? 

Purlgirl xx

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” Anna Quindlen

Leave nothing unfinished

There is something wonderful about knitting for other people, simply for the fact that we are making something by hand for another person, but there is also something magical in wearing and using our own knitted projects.

And often when we are knitting for someone else, there is a due date attached to the project, a birthday, Christmas, the birth of a baby. When we knit for ourselves, though, there isn't really a deadline, and it's often tempting once we have cast off, to begin a new project that has caught our eye, rather than finishing off the project we have been working on. 

I realised recently, however, that the real reason I was holding off finishing a knitted item was because once I finished it, I would have to wear it and show it to others. I find it interesting that I don't mind finishing off items for other people, but not for myself. I began to see that I didn't want to judge myself, or have anyone else judge something I had created, whereas a gift is more likely to be appreciated in the spirit it was given. Much safer to hold onto my own unfinished article, so that I didn't need to fear the possibility that someone might criticise it, or spot a flaw which I knew was hiding in the folds of my knitting somewhere, whether or not (as I stated in a previous post), I had sewn a button on it.

Well, the Quakers used to say that you should always have one mistake in your work - because no-one is perfect, only God. 

So that might be a good excuse if anyone should say anything. Truth be told, though, I have found from experience that the only one who is obsessed with that flaw is me. Because I know it's there. No-one else sees it, because they aren't looking for it. 

I am learning that although getting started is the hardest part, and that finishing is almost as hard, there is a sense of genuine satisfaction in finishing something, and that we are our own harshest critics - ever notice how others think that what you have done is just fine?

Instead of look at it with the critical eyes that we imagine others might have, we may need to recognise that we are judging ourselves, and that we are taking away the enjoyment of finishing the project. And that if we can't stop our critical tendencies, then to ask ourselves what we would say if our friend had knitted it? Because we would never be as critical of others as we are of ourselves.

And sometimes we come back to something a little while later, look at it with fresh eyes and realise how good it was all along! 

Purlgirl

xx