“Sometimes you have to take a step back to move forward” (Erika Taylor)

A new skin means shedding the old one. 

I've moved into a new place, and I am living on my own for the first time. It's exciting, I'm standing on the cusp of a new life and finding out who I am.  

My brother has just started a new life, too. He got married on Friday, as I was moving into my new place. It was a paper ceremony - the official wedding party with the white dress is in February - and I can't wait to go home in the new year, to be bridesmaid and to celebrate with them. 

And I realised that if we marry, the change is obvious, the bride wears a wedding dress, she may even change her name, and there is a ceremony to mark the event. We are beginning a new life, and we are leaving the past behind. No matter how small, our identity changes. 

In a way, I had my own "ceremony" to mark my event - a flatwarming party on Saturday evening, co-hosted with my new landlord, with music and dancing (what else!) with my friends, and new acquaintances and neighbours. 

What a great way to start a new tenancy. I met new people through the party and it was really special to let people into my living space, especially when a friend commented on how homely the flat felt. She asked how long I had been living there, and I could tell her, since Wednesday! 

Moving out of the previous house has been a real watershed for me. I thought the hardest part would be the move and the inventory check, but that wasn't the end, and even now, having moved in and unpacked, it will still take some time to adjust to a new environment and to create new rituals and relationships. 

I was fortunate to have a transition period, where I stayed with a friend for a few weeks whilst I waited for the flat to be ready. He lives about 10 doors up the road from where I first lived when I arrived in Oxford. So you could say it was literally a step back, and a nice way to bookend the time I spent in the other house. It was an opportunity to see how far I have come, and what I have kept that was good. 

When I moved out, I was fortunate enough to be able to move my things to the new place. I only took the vital things with me when I was staying with my friend. This meant when I moved into the flat officially last Wednesday, everything was already there for me. 

I unpacked things, and then moved the rest of the things over, and I did it over the course of a few days. I have found a place for everything, and on Saturday we co-hosted the party by having the drinks on my floor, and the food on his floor upstairs in the main house. And everyone came and danced, and helped me to warm my new flat.

Clearing the previous house made me realise just what all the previous tenants had left behind as each one had moved out over the course of the past 10 years, and that we often accept what others leave behind simply because we can't tell the difference, or don't realise that they  have done so. We have to decide - Do we accept that, what do we keep, and what do we take with us? 

And this is the first time I am living by myself, and the first time that I am moving in at the start of a tenancy. So I am truly starting on a fresh page. 

Once I had settled in, I could see what I really need, and what I can let go of because it is no longer necessary. I can also see how everything I have allows me to express myself and my identity. When you walk into the flat, it's clear that I am the one who is currently living here. 

Now everything I see is me, and I am totally responsible. If it's messy, it's my mess. If it's tidy, it's up to me. And I get to decorate it just the way I want to. It's furnished, so there is a lot that is already there, but just being in a new space, and looking at my things after a break of 3 weeks has given me a better idea of what fits, and what doesn't belong. 

And because my bedroom is also my living room, I need to keep it tidy. It is taking a bit of getting used to, but I find I like it, and it was wonderful to have all my friends come and dance in my living room on Saturday. I will cherish the memories, and probably find myself dancing around the living room often myself! 

I am looking forward to discovering who the new me is in this flat. I already know she's colourful, and bright and sociable. I also know she's comfortable in her own skin. 

As for the rest, who knows? Only time will tell. 

Purlgirl

xx

"Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity". (Hippocrates)

Giving yourself time to heal

A few months ago I underwent surgery to have 3 of my wisdom teeth out. Because it needed to be done under general anaesthetic, I was off work for a week to recover. This much time spent recovering, mostly in my own company, I learned a lot about my friends and a little about myself. 

I learned how much my friends care about me, and that they all showed it in different ways - the flowers, the cards, the texts before I went in, the texts after I came out, the visits when I was recovering. 

My friend Cally spent the day with me in the hospital, patiently waiting for me to go into surgery, and she and my friend Sarah spent hours waiting for me to come round from the anaesthetic, only to be sent home because the hospital kept me in overnight. It's times like these that you realise how fortunate you are to have good friends in your life. 

My friends also rallied round to lend me boxsets and DVDs of movies that are guilty pleasures to watch. When you're feeling ill, if that's what you want, if that's the creature comforts of home, so be it. Who wants to watch Shakespeare when you're ill? And even the guiltiest of pleasures can still teach you something, if you're looking for it. 

I realised that even bees have to sleep! Sometimes you're the bee, sometimes you're the person lying in the sun. When they are busy, you are relaxing, and sometimes it's the other way around.

It's okay to sleep and rest and recover - and I learned that if I had to do so for a year*, I would find a way of getting through it - just the same way that Pollyanna** did. 

And there's nothing like a good boxset when you're feeling ill - it  takes your mind off  things entirely, you get involved with the characters and their lives, and you remember that this too will pass - it was just my mind playing tricks on me, because I knew that in time I would be fully recovered. 

But most of all, I learned that although you can put off facing something you don't want to do, that by facing it you get to decide when to do it. You get to regain control of the situation, and that you will make it through. 

Purlgirl xx

*"How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" Dale Carnegie, (Simon and Schuster, 1948)

** "Pollyanna" Eleanor H. Porter, (L.C. Page, 1913)

"A home is like a second skin. A new one takes time to grow" (Helen Brown)

Transforming ourselves

Every time we move house, a new chapter begins. New opportunities, new friends and neighbours, a new environment. Through these new experiences we learn more about ourselves - we may discover new hobbies and interests, new friendships or a new favourite haunt. 

I am moving into a new home soon, and it has given me the time to re-evaluate my possessions and to decide what I am taking with me to my new place. It's interesting how we can hold onto possessions for years simply because they are there. It is only when we begin the process of packing up to move that we consider whether the possessions will belong in the new home, whether it is worth our while to pack them up and carry them with us. 

In a way, each time we move, we have an opportunity to reinvent ourselves, to begin anew. We can choose what to take with us, and where it will fit into our new life. 

Looking back, I think I first started out reinventing myself in my final year of university, by emulating David Bowie. That was my identity - I was Bowiegirl. I listened to all his songs, I read everything about him and watched all his films. I still recall dressing up as Ziggy Stardust/Aladdin Sane in London ten years ago, to go and see him live at the Odeon. Through dressing up, I had an identity. Through dressing up as him I met like-minded people. But through trying on his persona, I began to discover who I really am, which led to me coming to the UK eleven years ago. 

Five years ago, that identity expanded to incorporate my new passion for dancing, and knitting, and led me to many new experiences, including writing this blog. I also moved into a new house and a bigger room, where I had space to discover what I needed, the space to work through my belongings and to see what I no longer needed. I shared with two other housemates, and as the years have gone on, we have each in our own ways made this house a better home. We have invested time and money into it, and built strong ties.

We have come to the end of our lease and are each going our separate ways. We are each ready for the next step that is right for us, whether that be Carolina moving in with her other half, or in my case, living on my own for the first time. 

I am excited at the prospect. I see this as an opportunity to create my new space, an oasis, where everything has its purpose and place. A happy place that is welcoming and inviting, both for me and my visitors.

My friend Tanya, who had the flat before me, has given me a wonderful housewarming present. An organza bag with six smooth-cut pebbles, inscribed with the qualities needed for a happy home - "joy, hope, happiness, love, peace and wisdom". I have placed them in the flat as a welcoming presence when I move in. 

I am touched that the stones have been handed to me by the previous tenant. 

I can't think of a better way to greet the beginning of a new chapter. 

Purlgirl

xx

“Seashells remind us that every passing life leaves something beautiful behind.” (Unknown)

Letting go

*This post is a tribute to Grandma who passed away last Sunday, and I dedicate it to her memory.*

My Grandma passed away last Sunday. She was unwell a few weeks ago, whilst I was in hospital having my wisdom teeth out, and then rallied round just long enough for my parents and my brother to travel to see her. 

Today was her memorial service. I was not able to go home for the service because my family are on the other side of the world, 8 000 km away. And yet, I realise that whilst I may have been on my own today, I was not alone and certainly not lonely. 

In a way, I am with my family - all my friends who have rallied round, in different ways to show me how much they care, and I realise how lucky I am. And I feel closer to my own family, back home, for all the messages and conversations, and for spending the day in honour of Ivy. 

Grandma passing away brought home to me the importance of letting go. It brought the opportunity to be closer to my brother and his fiancée. My brother will be in Liverpool for a short time next month, and I have the opportunity to go and see him and give him a huge hug to show him how much I care and to feel close to my family. My brother's fiancée contributed a poem to the memorial service, and suggested I send a message to share what I would be doing today. 

I chose my own way to celebrate Grandma's life, in Wallingford, a town outside of Oxford that I think she would have liked. The service was at 8am this morning, and I found a church service in Wallingford that was going on at the same time as my Gran's funeral. I found a quiet space to contemplate her memory, and the vicar invited me to light a candle for her. I was touched when he then said a prayer for her during the service. 

I spent the day remembering my Gran, exploring Wallingford and writing her a farewell letter. I am thankful that the last time I saw her I showed her photos of my life in the UK, and told her how much I loved her. I am also thankful that I got to hug her one last time. 

I saw many butterflies today in Wallingford, and I was drawn to buy an artwork of many paper butterflies that lifted my spirits. A friend has subsequently told me that butterflies are said to carry the souls of the dead to heaven, and in that case, I feel that Grandma has safely passed over and is at peace. 

I find it ironic that I had made peace with her passing, but not said a mental good-bye, and yet where I had said a mental good-bye to the house I am living in and leaving within the next month, I had not made peace with it. 

It wasn't until my Grandmother passed  away, that I realised I was still holding onto certain things in my life. And that the time has come to say goodbye, to end this chapter, and begin a new one. 

We have to celebrate the memories, and be grateful for them. And recognise that our grandparents may be a generation too far removed to really appreciate them until we are older, if we are lucky to have them in our lives that long.

I have realised it is up to me to ask my mother about her life, to learn about her childhood and upbringing, so that I can pass that to my children when they are old enough. And if I do this, and show my children how much love I have for my parents, it will hopefully engender the same interest in them, and we would pass that on.

So I begin this now. I loved Grandma the way you love your grandparents, but I'm not sure I ever really totally understood what made her who she was, and I think by asking our parents about their lives, we begin to understand their past, and how it shaped them, and in turn how it shapes us.

And then, once I know the past, I can pick the good habits, traditions and traits, and pass them on to a new generation.

Stephen Covey, in "First Things First" tells us "we can choose to rewrite our script", "to change it" for future generations.

What legacy will you leave?

Purlgirl xx


* in memory of Ivy, who passed away 11th August 2013. RIP Grandma, we will miss you. 

** with thanks to my colleague Elena who shared this beautiful quotation with me

*** "First Things First", Stephen Covey, A Roger Merrill & Rebecca R. Merrill, (Simon & Schuster, 1999)

"Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." (Siddhārtha Gautama)

Centering myself: 

It might have something to do with the fact that it's my birthday in a week, and my birthday falls on Midsummer's Day, the midpoint of the year, or just that I am getting another year older, but I feel as though every year I become a little more peaceful, and contented, a little bit more at ease with myself, my surroundings and the skin I live in. 

I had a clear-out over the weekend. I moved my winter clothes to another wardrobe, so that all I see when I open my wardrobe is my summer clothes, and because I have less, I can see all I have clearly. I'm letting go, letting go of everything I no longer need, and that includes many beliefs and thoughts that I have carried around with me over the last 34 years. 

35 feels like a significant age, even more so than 30 did, and 30 was a turning point. That was the year I started a new job, and moved to a new town, made new friends and discovered new interests, including the life coaching course I am doing right now. I feel, more than anything, that I have learned the most in those 5 years than at any other time in my life.

And whilst my life is rich and full, I am beginning to value the oases of serenity and calm where I find them. Whether that be spending time in nature, in the pool, in a book, with fellow dancers winding down after the session, or with other knitters in a coffee shop. 

Surprisingly, serenity and calm can even be found in the midst of a bustling coffee shop. If no-one knows you, you can be still in the midst of the bustle. It's as if all the noise just fades into the background, leaving you with your thoughts. 

Whilst clearing out my clutter, I was able to see only  that which I needed. Just as I was oblivious to the background noise in the coffee shop, the rest became superfluous, no matter how convinced I had been previously that I couldn't do without it. The same goes for my beliefs and thoughts. 

And once I saw the benefit of letting go of the clutter, and keeping only that which was beautiful, joyful or useful, I could see the space I have around me - space to think, to reflect, to just be. 

Creating the space in my home inspired me to do the same with a few rituals I have adopted to organise myself. 

I now realise that these rituals don't just help me to stay organised, they centre me. They allow me to find the touchstones in my day, to anchor myself. 

From choosing to take the slow bus which meanders home from where I work through the villages and towns in the evenings, to preparing my lunch and my outfit for work before I go to bed, to closing cupboard doors and drawers every time I leave a room. 

I started doing this unconsciously when I began closing the gate leaving the house - a moment when I now pause and  glance back at the house as I leave, and serves as a reminder that I have locked the front door. This morning I realised that my lunch consists of various items, which I often grab as I leave the house. I have a lunchbox at work that I now place all the items into at the start of my day, so that my lunch is ready when 12 o'clock comes round. It allows me to feel as if my well-being is important, to remind me to eat a well-balanced meal and when lunchtime comes around I have everything ready and waiting in one place. 

This little ritual serves as a moment out of my day to centre myself, to do something for myself. It gives me the  energy I need to fill my lamp* so I can continue to burn and let my light shine. 

For each of us that little ritual is different, yet it serves the same purpose: to ground us in an ever-changing world. Because the only thing that is constant is the inner peace we seek. 

Purlgirl xx

* http://www.flickspire.com/m/LSTruth/OilForYourLamp

"At first dreams seem impossible, then improbable, and then inevitable" (Christopher Reeve)

I recently came across this poem that I wrote a while ago. I am sharing it because I felt it was appropriate to this blog. The rest of the post follows below. 

"Dreams" *

Can we have what we dream? 

Or are our deepest desires to be locked up in secret forever?

Are they so fragile, that if we touch them they will shatter?

Or do we lack the courage to go for the big dreams we keep hidden away? 

Why, then, do some dreams come true? 

Do we want them enough? 

Are they simply meant to be? 

Did we let them come to us like a butterfly? 

Or did we pursue them? Did we visualise them? 

Did we see them in our mind's eye? 

Did we touch, taste, feel and surround ourselves? Did we wrap them around us? 

Did we appreciate them when they came true? 

Why is it that we are scared of achieving our goals? Why is it that we want to achieve them and yet we are so scared of what this will mean in our lives? 

What about when I go to the gym and do my workout? Halfway through I'm convinced I can't make it, but then  something kicks in and I find the energy to persevere - just begin, that's the hardest part. 

Once you start, it's like you're on a moving path, a bit like a horizontal escalator, it takes you forward. 

Perhaps that is the trick. To not think too much about the end result; to keep it in mind but to take it one step at a time. To choose to be confident every moment of every day, to look back and ask ourselves what we will wish we had done.

The hardest part of all is just to begin - if we will only put one foot in front of the other, each step takes us one step forward.

And how can we know what the next step is if we don't know what our final destination is? 

Purlgirl xx

* "Dreams" by Lynn Degele, (2008)

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit." (Aristotle)

Building on the habits of success

Our habits, good and bad, create our lives. Our good habits create the structure in our lives, to support the success, and well-balanced lives. The good habits that we create provide the foundation, they allow us to build on top of this. 

I had my annual "staycation" recently, an opportunity for me to take time off, to explore new areas and ideas, and to reflect on life. This year my staycation included a tour of the Bodleian Library in Oxford, the York Minster Cathedral and the Multangular tower in York, as well as Durham Cathedral. 

Apart from the historical aspect of this vacation, architectural feats, and the design, what stands out most clearly to me about these buildings is the structure. They are built to support the whole building, and it is mainly the roof which requires support, such as the buttresses holding up the York Minster. 

I was particularly struck by the red band of tiles in the  centre of the Multangular tower in York. The Romans used "saxa quadrata", each stone cut to the same size and shape, along with a band of red tiles, that held the two sides of the wall together, with a layer sandwiched in between the next platform. This is the Wall-tie, cementing the two outside walls together, and showing through on the outside. They needed to make sure the platform was level before building further. 

We need to work on one new habit of success  at a time, to cement it before we can move onto the next one. Once we have put the structure in place, we can level  it out and build higher. 

What habits are you creating? 

Purlgirl xx

"There is only one success, to be able to spend your life in your own way." (Christopher Morley)

On my salary, what is the best yarn I can afford?

There are many things  that I have done that other people have recommended against, because they couldn't see the benefit of investing the money: Signing up for the outdoor  pool season ticket, signing up for my gym membership, buying my season bus pass, even going to Ibiza on a dance holiday last September, because it's not what they would have spent their money on. 

Over the past few years, however, I have learned is that it is up to me to choose how I invest in my life, and that it is up to me to decide what the best lifestyle is I can have on my salary.* 

Decide what’s important to you. You don’t need to buy expensive yarn to enjoy knitting. If you want to buy luxury yarn, then do it, but if you just want to knit, don’t let that put you off. I’ve had friends who have asked me what I knitted when it was cheap and cheerful yarn – I use my fluffy yarn for Doctor Who, and baby yarn or yarn for children's toys can be bought in all shades and variations. 

Just because it costs more doesn’t mean it’s better. My wardrobe is a mix of clothes and shoes and accessories that cost a range of prices, and often I get compliments on the items that didn’t break the bank when I bought them. Invest in whatever it is you need, at whatever price suits you and your pocket. Don’t put something back that you like just because it doesn’t have a label.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t buy expensive things, or invest, I’m just saying that each of us should decide for ourselves what is important to us, what we can afford on our salary as it is right now, not what we would want it to be, and to tailor our lives accordingly.

Because once you commit to that, eg. my gym membership, you work around it. By setting up the regular payments, I know more and more what is coming out of my bank account at the start of the month, so I can plan around that. 

I do the same with my time, now, as well. I knit on Tuesdays and I dance on Wednesdays, and I go to the gym on Mondays and Thursdays. These are regular commitments; I know that I am going to do that in advance, so I can work around this.

And I don’t stock up too much – yarn is just like toiletries, and food – if you buy too much of it, it can go off (you decide you no longer like the yarn, you realise that the pattern doesn’t work, you discover you don’t have enough to knit that cardigan/blanket). Just as in real life, you only need enough for what you are doing now and next.  

I’ve just had a clear-out of all the yarn I stocked up on over the last twelve months or more, and realise now that had I bought enough to knit as I was going along, I would still have had that money to invest in other things.

I now use wish lists when I see something I want to buy, and I come back a week later – only to discover I don’t always want it when I see it again (like men, you need a second date!)

Time is like money, once it’s gone, it’s gone. All you can do is to invest in it.

What are you investing in? 

Purlgirl xx


* Martin Lewis, The Money Diet

“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.” (Criss Jami)

* update - I posted this in March, and now know that I have Dyspraxia, rather than Dyslexia, however, the post remains just as relevant.

We told my team at work on Monday, and I feel the time is right to re-post this to spread the word.

Seeing the real you

Once you become comfortable with yourself, you can let others in. 

I was recently diagnosed with Dyspraxia, I'm still coming to terms with it. I didn't know I was Dyspraxic until I was 33. I was pretty much a straight-A student at school, and in my final year turned my Maths mark around from a failing grade through sheer effort of will with a whole year’s worth of extra studying after school because I didn’t want to be moved down a level into a different class away from my friends.

Until a year ago, I wouldn't have told anyone about this. The closest I would have got to sharing any weakness would be to admit to listening to the "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" soundtrack or other chilled music if I was feeling low. Or the fact that I like cheesy 80s rock music (this one wasn't so much of a secret!)

Then this week at dancing I told a few friends about my Dyspraxia and was surprised how they handled it with equanimity. They didn't judge me as I had feared, they just asked to hear more about it. They were curious to know why it hadn't been diagnosed before, and what coping skills I had learnt to manage it. They wanted to know how I had adapted myself to accept it. 

I think that swimming may have given me the confidence to let others see the real me - after all, swimming requires you to be as close to naked in public as you can be whilst still wearing clothes. It allows you to look at yourself, your  body, your arms, your legs, your toes, to see how others see you, and to ask yourself if that is how you want them to see you. 

So gradually you begin to take steps to improve yourself - you paint your toenails, you make a change to the way you pack your swim kit, what you take you buy a more colourful swimming costume. 

You get to know other swimmers - you say hello and learn their names, they are no longer strangers and people to be feared. They are people just like you, with their own strengths and weaknesses. 

I'm glad now that I didn't know about my Dyspraxia when I was at school, because I know that I overcame the challenge by myself. My mother's favourite saying is that "according to the laws of aerodynamics, the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but no-one ever told the bumblebee that!" (this isn't actually true, however, their small wings do need to move a very large volume of air relative to their size, to reduce the power required to sustain flight*).

Looking back this might be the reason I am so passionate about helping others because I don't want them to struggle the way I did when there is an easier way to get things done.

Take a look at the real you, and acknowledge the challenges you have overcome to be who you are now. 

Purlgirl xx

* John Maynard Smith. "Flight in Birds and Aeroplanes - Science Video". July 2010 

If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. (African Proverb)

Come fly with me*

A year ago I started a 5 minute slot in our Publishing Editor meetings, called "Work smarter, not harder", because I thought if I could just work harder, I could get it all done, that I had to do it all by myself, because what was most important was to have everything done in your inbox.

You see there is a misconception about "getting it done", that you have to be the one to get it done, immediately, on your own, that we aren't "working hard enough" and that if you can just work hard enough you can get where you are going. 

This doesn't take into account our strengths, our individualities, and the fact that we don't all see things the same way, that we are as different from each other as if we were from a different country (which, incidentally, I am!). Because we live in the same country and work in the same company, we just assume we see things the same way, and work the same way. 

But we don't, and actually we have to learn to recognise our strengths, because the way I see it, it's as if we are all on a plane, and we have to work together to get our passengers to their destination: 

(I should point out here that a few years ago, I was fortunate enough to be sent on a training course, where they gave us an example of our different strengths, called social styles.**

This course not only changed my perception of my colleagues at work, it changed my perception of myself at work as well as my life overall, and has started a transformation of which I realise now I am only just the start of the journey. Please note this is just a metaphor, to illustrate how very different we all are and how we are all important and how we all have our roles to play)

- Driver: We need the pilot, to get us there, to steer us in the right direction

- Amiable: We need the air steward to make sure everyone on board is comfortable, and safe and fed and clothed and attended to. 

- Analytical: We need the engineers to make sure the plane is flight-ready. They provide us with the checklist to work on, to figure out what needs to be fixed.  
- Expressive: We need the high-energy, larger than life people who are cheerful, and remind us not to be so serious. They keep morale high. They put me in mind of the celebrities, the rock stars, who entertain the troops. If we were all running a charity race, the Expressives would be the ones running the race in the fancy dress costume.

We all have our different roles to play, and we can see how we are all needed. 

But the pilot couldn't fly the plane and serve the passengers alone, any more than the air steward do the oxygen mask demonstration and point out the exits whilst flying the plane. Both are needed. 

We wouldn't expect the engineer to be good at supervising a little child flying alone. That's not to say that they can't all learn a little about each other's roles, or to move into those roles in time. Just to say that we will always need engineers, pilots, air stewards and the entertainers to keep the plane flying. 

Interestingly, if we are interested in all four social styles, we can broaden our horizons, and we can learn 3 other new ways of looking at the world. It's as if we become multilingual, and can speak a little bit of each language. 

And perhaps the air steward observes the pilot and decides that one day he or she would like to fly the plane, or to take flying lessons and just fly their own plane. 

If we don't open our eyes, how can we see the opportunities that are out there? 

Purlgirl xx

*From the song (1957) written by Jimmy Van Heusen and Sammy Cahn, probably most famously sung by Frank Sinatra. 

**Social Styles Handbook: Adapt Your Style to Win Trust (Wilson Learning Library) (Nova Vista Publishing, 2011)

"When the student is ready, the teacher appears" (Buddhist proverb)

Mastering ourselves

As I grow older, - and hopefully wiser - I am coming to the realisation that if we are open to it, everyone we encounter in our lives is here to teach us something.

A few are there to help us master ourselves by pushing us beyond our comfort zone. Sometimes we choose them, like when I decided to go for private swimming lessons 2 years ago, because I realised I needed the personal tuition. My instructor pushed me even when I didn't think I could learn. And even though I didn't fully learn to swim through those lessons alone, they prepared me for the breakthrough when I continued practising at the outdoor pool that summer. Eventually, after much practise, it all fell into place and now I love to swim.  

Or when I decided to ask the personal trainer at the gym to come up with a workout programme last weekend - because they know what we can do, even if we can't - and sometimes we need someone else to believe in us first.

Because they know what we need to learn. They can see the areas we need to work on, and they can advise us on the concrete steps we need to take to reach higher.

They hold us accountable, and give us the action steps to follow through so that we know what we have to do to achieve our goal. They give us the starting point, and then we are on our own. If we are willing to learn, it's like they wind us up, set us down and watch us go.

There are many instances in our lives where the teacher appears. Sometimes we approach them because we are ready to ask for the help and support. They may be professionals, who can advise us best on how to improve a skill, style our hair, add to our wardrobe, or learn how to drive. 

Other times they appear, in the way that relationships teach us about ourselves so that we can become more loving people. 

Relationships hold up a mirror to who we really are because we get closer to other people. We think we see ourselves as others see us, but really we are coming face to face with our own reflection, and our own insecurities. If we have not accepted them as a part of the whole, relationships have a way of bringing them bubbling up to the surface.

They may be the people in our lives - sometimes just knowing that your friends are achieving certain goals can be the catalyst to show you what you want, to teach you how to reach that goal yourself. Ever realised that you wanted to own your own home because a friend bought a house?

Even if we have our own dreams, this is how we come face to face with our hopes and desires, and can be guided in the right direction on our path.

The question is, are we ready to commit to learning, and to grow?

Purlgirl xx

"Let go and let the river carry you to new adventures" (Susan Jeffers*)

Let go and flow

Happy new year everyone! Today was the first day back at work for many of us, and many people will be feeling, no matter how much leave we have had, that the break was all too brief. 

Well, if there's something I have learned this past year, it's that life is all too brief, and we have to make the most of every day! 

2012 was by no means a perfect year, and it had its ups and downs, but it was also a year of adventures and new experiences. I've already written about Ibiza, and that was amazing, but looking back, one day in particular stands out from last year. 

It's funny how one thing can lead to another in life. I was in Bristol in August, for the annual Balloon Fiesta, and a friend invited me to dinner with another friend of hers. We chose to get Chinese takeaway, and whilst waiting we picked up a copy of "What's on in Bristol" and spotted an advert for a knittathon to raise money for the Victorian Pier in Clevedon, a little seaside town near Bristol.

I was intrigued by the event, and excited by the idea of spending a day in the company of other knitters attempting to knit a single continuous scarf to “yarn bomb” the pier. I decided as I am head of my knitting group at work, I had to be part of it!

I mentioned it to my friend Sarah, who said it sounded like fun, and she would drive us down to Clevedon for the day.  Soon, it turned out that 6 of us from Oxford were driving down to Clevedon Pier on the Bank Holiday Sunday.

The day itself dawned as a perfect sunny day for driving down from Oxford, to the seaside.

And because I had called ahead to let the organisers know we were on our way, everyone recognised us as the "Oxford Contingent" when we turned up!  

That day really stands out in my memory, because of the people we met; the discussions we had throughout the day, whilst knitting the different colours together to form one long continuous scarf for the pier. We had been asked to decorate and bring a yarn bucket on the day. I had huge fun decorating my own - a clothes peg basket – with materials from my stash, using buttons, safety pins, stickers, measuring tape and even a row counter to customise it. 

We met new people of all ages and from all walks of life - from Bristol, Clevedon and as far afield as Manchester. From 8 to 83, including a woman who is an engineer for Rolls Royce in Bristol, and a handful of men who knitted – as well as 2 little boys aged 8! For that one day, everyone was in it together, knitting all the colours together.

The pier was meant to close at 4, then 5, and finally at 6, as the day was drawing to a close, we finished. And we were the last ones there.

It was such an exhilarating day, to discover what we were capable of - who knew we could knit for 7 hours!

We never know where the river may lead us. Sometimes we just need to listen to that little voice that says, "that sounds like fun, let's do it!"

Here's to new adventures in 2013!

Purlgirl xx

* in memory of Susan Jeffers, who passed away October 27th, 2012. RIP Susan