Letting go
*This post is a tribute to Grandma who passed away last Sunday, and I dedicate it to her memory.*
My Grandma passed away last Sunday. She was unwell a few weeks ago, whilst I was in hospital having my wisdom teeth out, and then rallied round just long enough for my parents and my brother to travel to see her.
Today was her memorial service. I was not able to go home for the service because my family are on the other side of the world, 8 000 km away. And yet, I realise that whilst I may have been on my own today, I was not alone and certainly not lonely.
In a way, I am with my family - all my friends who have rallied round, in different ways to show me how much they care, and I realise how lucky I am. And I feel closer to my own family, back home, for all the messages and conversations, and for spending the day in honour of Ivy.
Grandma passing away brought home to me the importance of letting go. It brought the opportunity to be closer to my brother and his fiancée. My brother will be in Liverpool for a short time next month, and I have the opportunity to go and see him and give him a huge hug to show him how much I care and to feel close to my family. My brother's fiancée contributed a poem to the memorial service, and suggested I send a message to share what I would be doing today.
I chose my own way to celebrate Grandma's life, in Wallingford, a town outside of Oxford that I think she would have liked. The service was at 8am this morning, and I found a church service in Wallingford that was going on at the same time as my Gran's funeral. I found a quiet space to contemplate her memory, and the vicar invited me to light a candle for her. I was touched when he then said a prayer for her during the service.
I spent the day remembering my Gran, exploring Wallingford and writing her a farewell letter. I am thankful that the last time I saw her I showed her photos of my life in the UK, and told her how much I loved her. I am also thankful that I got to hug her one last time.
I saw many butterflies today in Wallingford, and I was drawn to buy an artwork of many paper butterflies that lifted my spirits. A friend has subsequently told me that butterflies are said to carry the souls of the dead to heaven, and in that case, I feel that Grandma has safely passed over and is at peace.
I find it ironic that I had made peace with her passing, but not said a mental good-bye, and yet where I had said a mental good-bye to the house I am living in and leaving within the next month, I had not made peace with it.
It wasn't until my Grandmother passed away, that I realised I was still holding onto certain things in my life. And that the time has come to say goodbye, to end this chapter, and begin a new one.
We have to celebrate the memories, and be grateful for them. And recognise that our grandparents may be a generation too far removed to really appreciate them until we are older, if we are lucky to have them in our lives that long.
I have realised it is up to me to ask my mother about her life, to learn about her childhood and upbringing, so that I can pass that to my children when they are old enough. And if I do this, and show my children how much love I have for my parents, it will hopefully engender the same interest in them, and we would pass that on.
So I begin this now. I loved Grandma the way you love your grandparents, but I'm not sure I ever really totally understood what made her who she was, and I think by asking our parents about their lives, we begin to understand their past, and how it shaped them, and in turn how it shapes us.
And then, once I know the past, I can pick the good habits, traditions and traits, and pass them on to a new generation.
Stephen Covey, in "First Things First" tells us "we can choose to rewrite our script", "to change it" for future generations.
What legacy will you leave?
Purlgirl xx
* in memory of Ivy, who passed away 11th August 2013. RIP Grandma, we will miss you.
** with thanks to my colleague Elena who shared this beautiful quotation with me
*** "First Things First", Stephen Covey, A Roger Merrill & Rebecca R. Merrill, (Simon & Schuster, 1999)
*This post is a tribute to Grandma who passed away last Sunday, and I dedicate it to her memory.*
My Grandma passed away last Sunday. She was unwell a few weeks ago, whilst I was in hospital having my wisdom teeth out, and then rallied round just long enough for my parents and my brother to travel to see her.
Today was her memorial service. I was not able to go home for the service because my family are on the other side of the world, 8 000 km away. And yet, I realise that whilst I may have been on my own today, I was not alone and certainly not lonely.
In a way, I am with my family - all my friends who have rallied round, in different ways to show me how much they care, and I realise how lucky I am. And I feel closer to my own family, back home, for all the messages and conversations, and for spending the day in honour of Ivy.
Grandma passing away brought home to me the importance of letting go. It brought the opportunity to be closer to my brother and his fiancée. My brother will be in Liverpool for a short time next month, and I have the opportunity to go and see him and give him a huge hug to show him how much I care and to feel close to my family. My brother's fiancée contributed a poem to the memorial service, and suggested I send a message to share what I would be doing today.
I chose my own way to celebrate Grandma's life, in Wallingford, a town outside of Oxford that I think she would have liked. The service was at 8am this morning, and I found a church service in Wallingford that was going on at the same time as my Gran's funeral. I found a quiet space to contemplate her memory, and the vicar invited me to light a candle for her. I was touched when he then said a prayer for her during the service.
I spent the day remembering my Gran, exploring Wallingford and writing her a farewell letter. I am thankful that the last time I saw her I showed her photos of my life in the UK, and told her how much I loved her. I am also thankful that I got to hug her one last time.
I saw many butterflies today in Wallingford, and I was drawn to buy an artwork of many paper butterflies that lifted my spirits. A friend has subsequently told me that butterflies are said to carry the souls of the dead to heaven, and in that case, I feel that Grandma has safely passed over and is at peace.
I find it ironic that I had made peace with her passing, but not said a mental good-bye, and yet where I had said a mental good-bye to the house I am living in and leaving within the next month, I had not made peace with it.
It wasn't until my Grandmother passed away, that I realised I was still holding onto certain things in my life. And that the time has come to say goodbye, to end this chapter, and begin a new one.
We have to celebrate the memories, and be grateful for them. And recognise that our grandparents may be a generation too far removed to really appreciate them until we are older, if we are lucky to have them in our lives that long.
I have realised it is up to me to ask my mother about her life, to learn about her childhood and upbringing, so that I can pass that to my children when they are old enough. And if I do this, and show my children how much love I have for my parents, it will hopefully engender the same interest in them, and we would pass that on.
So I begin this now. I loved Grandma the way you love your grandparents, but I'm not sure I ever really totally understood what made her who she was, and I think by asking our parents about their lives, we begin to understand their past, and how it shaped them, and in turn how it shapes us.
And then, once I know the past, I can pick the good habits, traditions and traits, and pass them on to a new generation.
Stephen Covey, in "First Things First" tells us "we can choose to rewrite our script", "to change it" for future generations.
What legacy will you leave?
Purlgirl xx
* in memory of Ivy, who passed away 11th August 2013. RIP Grandma, we will miss you.
** with thanks to my colleague Elena who shared this beautiful quotation with me
*** "First Things First", Stephen Covey, A Roger Merrill & Rebecca R. Merrill, (Simon & Schuster, 1999)
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