“Sometimes you have to take a step back to move forward” (Erika Taylor)

A new skin means shedding the old one. 

I've moved into a new place, and I am living on my own for the first time. It's exciting, I'm standing on the cusp of a new life and finding out who I am.  

My brother has just started a new life, too. He got married on Friday, as I was moving into my new place. It was a paper ceremony - the official wedding party with the white dress is in February - and I can't wait to go home in the new year, to be bridesmaid and to celebrate with them. 

And I realised that if we marry, the change is obvious, the bride wears a wedding dress, she may even change her name, and there is a ceremony to mark the event. We are beginning a new life, and we are leaving the past behind. No matter how small, our identity changes. 

In a way, I had my own "ceremony" to mark my event - a flatwarming party on Saturday evening, co-hosted with my new landlord, with music and dancing (what else!) with my friends, and new acquaintances and neighbours. 

What a great way to start a new tenancy. I met new people through the party and it was really special to let people into my living space, especially when a friend commented on how homely the flat felt. She asked how long I had been living there, and I could tell her, since Wednesday! 

Moving out of the previous house has been a real watershed for me. I thought the hardest part would be the move and the inventory check, but that wasn't the end, and even now, having moved in and unpacked, it will still take some time to adjust to a new environment and to create new rituals and relationships. 

I was fortunate to have a transition period, where I stayed with a friend for a few weeks whilst I waited for the flat to be ready. He lives about 10 doors up the road from where I first lived when I arrived in Oxford. So you could say it was literally a step back, and a nice way to bookend the time I spent in the other house. It was an opportunity to see how far I have come, and what I have kept that was good. 

When I moved out, I was fortunate enough to be able to move my things to the new place. I only took the vital things with me when I was staying with my friend. This meant when I moved into the flat officially last Wednesday, everything was already there for me. 

I unpacked things, and then moved the rest of the things over, and I did it over the course of a few days. I have found a place for everything, and on Saturday we co-hosted the party by having the drinks on my floor, and the food on his floor upstairs in the main house. And everyone came and danced, and helped me to warm my new flat.

Clearing the previous house made me realise just what all the previous tenants had left behind as each one had moved out over the course of the past 10 years, and that we often accept what others leave behind simply because we can't tell the difference, or don't realise that they  have done so. We have to decide - Do we accept that, what do we keep, and what do we take with us? 

And this is the first time I am living by myself, and the first time that I am moving in at the start of a tenancy. So I am truly starting on a fresh page. 

Once I had settled in, I could see what I really need, and what I can let go of because it is no longer necessary. I can also see how everything I have allows me to express myself and my identity. When you walk into the flat, it's clear that I am the one who is currently living here. 

Now everything I see is me, and I am totally responsible. If it's messy, it's my mess. If it's tidy, it's up to me. And I get to decorate it just the way I want to. It's furnished, so there is a lot that is already there, but just being in a new space, and looking at my things after a break of 3 weeks has given me a better idea of what fits, and what doesn't belong. 

And because my bedroom is also my living room, I need to keep it tidy. It is taking a bit of getting used to, but I find I like it, and it was wonderful to have all my friends come and dance in my living room on Saturday. I will cherish the memories, and probably find myself dancing around the living room often myself! 

I am looking forward to discovering who the new me is in this flat. I already know she's colourful, and bright and sociable. I also know she's comfortable in her own skin. 

As for the rest, who knows? Only time will tell. 

Purlgirl

xx

"Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity". (Hippocrates)

Giving yourself time to heal

A few months ago I underwent surgery to have 3 of my wisdom teeth out. Because it needed to be done under general anaesthetic, I was off work for a week to recover. This much time spent recovering, mostly in my own company, I learned a lot about my friends and a little about myself. 

I learned how much my friends care about me, and that they all showed it in different ways - the flowers, the cards, the texts before I went in, the texts after I came out, the visits when I was recovering. 

My friend Cally spent the day with me in the hospital, patiently waiting for me to go into surgery, and she and my friend Sarah spent hours waiting for me to come round from the anaesthetic, only to be sent home because the hospital kept me in overnight. It's times like these that you realise how fortunate you are to have good friends in your life. 

My friends also rallied round to lend me boxsets and DVDs of movies that are guilty pleasures to watch. When you're feeling ill, if that's what you want, if that's the creature comforts of home, so be it. Who wants to watch Shakespeare when you're ill? And even the guiltiest of pleasures can still teach you something, if you're looking for it. 

I realised that even bees have to sleep! Sometimes you're the bee, sometimes you're the person lying in the sun. When they are busy, you are relaxing, and sometimes it's the other way around.

It's okay to sleep and rest and recover - and I learned that if I had to do so for a year*, I would find a way of getting through it - just the same way that Pollyanna** did. 

And there's nothing like a good boxset when you're feeling ill - it  takes your mind off  things entirely, you get involved with the characters and their lives, and you remember that this too will pass - it was just my mind playing tricks on me, because I knew that in time I would be fully recovered. 

But most of all, I learned that although you can put off facing something you don't want to do, that by facing it you get to decide when to do it. You get to regain control of the situation, and that you will make it through. 

Purlgirl xx

*"How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" Dale Carnegie, (Simon and Schuster, 1948)

** "Pollyanna" Eleanor H. Porter, (L.C. Page, 1913)