"The best way out is always through" (Robert Frost)

Overcoming our challenges

 

I participated in an adventure course with my colleagues recently, and learned a lot about myself through the experience. 

 

Doing an adventure course with my colleagues was a great experience for a number of reasons - our support of each other, our patience with each other, and the shared knowledge that we could overcome each of the challenges, and get through.

Especially by the time we reached the final zip wire, and were cheering each other on. I imagine it will also give us a shared language of experience that we might be able to use back in the office, and to see each other in a different light.

 

Before I started the course, I wasn’t sure I could do it, but with each course, my confidence in my ability, and my self-belief grew. Initially, each challenge was difficult, and some seemed insurmountable, but by the third time I had done the zip wire, I was even starting to enjoy it - I had developed a technique through repetition, it seemed familiar, and I knew what to look out for (e.g. that the landing area was clear), and I could even start to relax and to look around me. 

I learned that for me the best way to land was not to face forwards and try to stand and land running, but to slide in sideways and slow myself down by dragging my heels. On the last one, I even discovered that I could control what I thought I could not (the direction I was going to face when landing) - by exerting pressure to turn my body to shift direction.  

 

Twice we were presented with the choice of the moderate or the extreme route, and I'm pleased to be able to say that each time I decided to stretch myself and chose the extreme route. And I made it, each time. Once, I was even able to call back to a colleague who was starting out on the extreme option, to share what I had done to get through it myself, so it really was a team effort, even though when it came down to it, we each had to overcome the obstacles by ourselves.

 

I am glad I stuck with it, even though I had several opportunities to change my mind, to choose not to participate and even begin the course. It took patience, courage and strengths of reserve I did not know I had. I have previously found similar obstacle courses quite difficult, and I can see now that the attitude I brought to the situation, and the decision to take each course one step at a time, to remind myself I only had to reach the next platform, meant that not only did I make it through, but that I even began to enjoy the challenges. I remember thinking that one day hence I would like to look back and remember that I was exhilarated and excited, rather than anxious and tense. It made me think about the future at the same time as I was in the present moment, which allowed me to fully focus on the now.

 

I took so much from the course; remembering to use the right clips to attach myself to the safety line helped anchor me to the present moment, and gave me something familiar to do, no matter which obstacle I was facing, and this week I have even found myself beginning to visualise challenges in light of the obstacles - using them as a metaphor, and seeing myself in my mind's eye, completing the obstacle, one step at a time, and then asking myself how I can get through to the other side. The obstacle course leads you along the route, and all you have to do is take the next step.

 

And the main thing I learned from the course?

 

I am strong enough for this step.

 

Lynn

"Effort only releases its reward after a person refuses to quit" (Napoleon Hill)

 

Honour your energy

 

I usually go dancing on a Monday night, it's a great way to start the week and it's one of the highlights of the week for me. Recently, I had an important presentation on the Tuesday, and this time I decided not to go dancing.

 

Whilst I love dancing and it would have created energy, I realised that it was time better spent either preparing my presentation, or preparing myself.

 

I'm learning to honour my energy.

 

Some days I am lively and energetic and I feel like I can take on the world.

 

On other days it may take more of an effort to get out of bed and leave the house, and I used to try and force myself to do things when my energy was low.

 

Instead, I'm learning that's when I need to shift down, into neutral and slow down. That's when I need to come back to myself and to do whatever it takes to nurture myself and nourish my soul and my body.

 

We may put in all the time into preparing a presentation, we may spend hours writing it up and rehearsing, but how much time do we spend preparing ourselves? How much time do we spend ensuring that *we* are ready? That we have eaten right, that we have had enough sleep, that we will be ready the next day?

 

I've taken to keeping the focus on me when I have a big presentation, project or assessment coming up. I study and write and rehearse, but I have also learnt that all the rehearsing in the world won't help if I am tired, if I am not present, if I am unable to give my full attention to the moment, to be ready to adapt and cope if things don't go as planned.

 

So on Monday night, I didn't go dancing. I went grocery shopping instead and bought enough food to last me the week, to stock up my pantry. That's when I realised I really wanted flowers. I had been waiting until I finished the presentation and I knew it had gone well, before buying the flowers as a reward.

 

When I saw the flowers, I realised that I wanted to give them to myself as a good luck wish, that I wanted them to be there in the flat waiting for me when I returned, no matter what the outcome was.

 

Writing up, preparing and giving the presentation, was in my control. The outcome and how it was received, was not.

 

Why wait to reward myself, when I was rewarding the effort I had put in? When it's the effort that matters?

 

When it felt amazing to come home to the flowers already in the vase when I got back? That way I didn't talk myself out of buying them depending on the outcome.

 

The outcome doesn't matter. What matters is that we tried, what matters is that we put in the effort, and that we worked hard and did our best.

 

And we can only do our best when we take care of ourselves, when we honour our energy.

 

Purlgirl xx

 

"Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present." Albert Camus

This post is dedicated to my aunt, Janet Stone, who donated a kidney to a family friend this week, at the Christiaan Barnard Hospital in Cape Town in South Africa.

Giving what we can

My aunt donated a kidney to a family friend this week. It's an awe-inspiring gift to give to someone, especially when that person is not even a blood relative, no matter how close. I imagine we all think that we would be willing to donate a kidney to a family member if needed, certainly a child or a parent. 

The reason this is inspirational to me, is the generosity of spirit and heart it would have involved, even before the practical side of it, preparing for the operation and then the actual surgery and recovery itself. 

I like to think of myself as a generous person, I give when I can. I'm sure we all have times when we feel a little fearful that we won't have enough. 

Imagine giving away your kidney, instead of a few coins or even your time. That truly is something that you have to give without any sense of expectation or gratitude or return. And whilst giving money or time is important, to see someone being given the opportunity and the chance to live a better life because you have given a part of your physcial body, that must be priceless. 

I can only hope that if the opportunity to do something similar presents itself to me one day that I can be as selfless. It's only now that the process is over, that it I am really starting to realise the magnitude of just what it is my aunt has done for her friend. 

I wonder if we can think about the times that we give away anything, whether it be donating an organ, donating blood, giving money, time or love, and reflect on what we are expecting to get in return, and whether we can do it in the same spirit, not expecting anything apart from our own sense of having lived a life bigger than we are. 

George Bernard Shaw said, "This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognised by yourself as a mighty one." 

This truly is the gift of giving. I'm so proud of my aunt, and sharing the experience on social media really helped hit home that there are good people in the world and people to inspire us to do good and be good. 

My aunt is one of those people for me. 

Purlgirl xx

"With all there is, why settle for just a piece of sky?" (Alan & Marilyn Bergman)*

Finding my wings

I believe swimming may be the nearest we can come to flying.

 

I love to swim - I love to spend time in the water, it takes all my attention and puts me in the present moment. 

 

And I can swim at my own pace. 

 

I have discovered I like to swim underwater, and that if I swim for two strokes underwater, I can focus on the feeling of being in the water, my body feels more comfortable and sometimes I will even swim a whole length underwater (it's a small pool)

 

I could never have imagined I'd get to a stage where I felt comfortable in the water** and that I would find a swim-stroke that suits me. 

 

When I am facing a new challenge, it reminds me that if I could learn to swim, I can learn to do this. I didn't learn until I was in my 30s, and I needed private swimming lessons to get started, but since then I have continued learning to swim by myself for the past 4 years.

 

I can still remember the time and effort, the persistence and determination I put into the lessons so that I could learn to bring together all parts of the process - learning to combine my breathing with my arm and leg movements, and combining all of this to stay afloat and to learn to be in this moment, to not look at the wall, but to focus on my breath, on each stroke. 

 

I feel free in the water now, I feel graceful, even more so than I do when I'm dancing. It has taken me 10 years to develop my style, longer than some others, and I still have some way to go, but I now feel comfortable on the dance-floor.

 

My favourite bird is the red kite, it glides effortlessly and soars. I love watching these majestic birds, catching the wind to take them where they want to go.

 

Swimming is the nearest I can imagine coming to flying, especially being weightless. 

 

I have to remind myself that I *can* learn. 

 

And if I can learn to swim, I can learn to fly. 

 

Purlgirl xx

 

* Line from the lyrics to "A Piece of Sky", (1983, Sony Music Entertainment Inc), lyrics by Alan and Marilyn Bergman, music by Michel Legrand. Sung by Barbara Streisand in the film "Yentl" (1983, United Artists through MGM)

** "Your current boundaries were once unknown horizons" (anon) - a post I wrote previously about learning to swim

"We hold the key to our own peaceful mind" (Barb Schmidt)

This post was written following a talk I attended in Oxford on April 30^th 2015 at Waterstones, where I was  fortunate enough to meet Barb Schmidt, founder of Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life and author of “The Practice”* a new book about using simple strategies to find peace in a busy world.

 

Change happens one person at a time, one moment at a time. On Thursday evening, a series of events led to me attending a talk at a bookshop in Oxford, and meeting Barb Schmidt (Peaceful Barb), author of new book, "The Practice" about using simple strategies to live a peaceful life.

 

After a meditation session that evening, I chose to go to the café, saw a friend sat at a table reading, and then ran into another friend who asked  if I was staying for the talk. 

 

In the past I would have filled my evening with plans, whether by myself or with someone else. As I am becoming more peaceful, however, I am beginning to create  more time and space for myself, and that allows  me to respond in the moment. It allows me to change course and accept a new invitation or a new experience if it presents itself.

 

And this is how I came to find myself at Barb's talk, in the café that evening after they had closed, which she started with a 1 minute meditation.

 

The moment Barb began her talk with a 1 minute meditation, you could sense the peace that came over the small group of us in the room, in the silence of the café at dusk. As someone who has been meditating for more than a year, and can now sit silently and still for half an hour, Barb's one minute meditation was a reminder that I can connect with myself in my life, at any time. I don't have to wait until I can sit and meditate in a designated place to connect with myself and my innate inner peace.

 

Through connecting with ourselves first, we can connect with others. Inspired by Barb's story, I took a chance, and something prompted me to speak first, to have the courage to say something. By speaking first, and being willing to share my story, others followed. Afterwards an older gentleman, who had been sat to the right of me, approached me to say he was a fellow Dyspraxic**. This led to conversations with other members in the audience, meeting new people, and making new connections.

 

Throughout her talk and during the signing afterwards, Barb was warm and confident, and interested in everyone, hugging everyone as if she had known us for years. And she laughed when I told her I was looking forward to reading her book on my morning commute the next day, with highlighter in hand, as she told me she does the same!

 

It's a gift to allow people to be who they are. It's a gift that you can sense Barb gives away freely to every person she encounters. And as we practise accepting ourselves in each moment, we become peaceful.

As we accept ourselves, we begin to allow others to do the same. And in this way we can begin to find peace in every moment.

 

All it takes is practise.

 

Purlgirl xx

 

* "The Practice" (Barb Schmidt, Souvenir Press, 2015)

** I'm Dyspraxic and ADD, you can read more about my experiences and how I have come to accept my diagnosis on my blog Dyspraxic Pioneer

"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, a bird sings because it has a song" (Maya Angelou)

The sky is big enough for every bird

There is a bridge over the Thames River, near where I live, where I love to pause whilst crossing the bridge, whatever the time of day, to stand and look at the river and the meadow alongside it. Often my eyes are drawn to the sky, to the birds flying up above. 

Recently, I found myself looking up at a red kite soaring high up in the sky, so high up, it was as if he was touching the ceiling of the world. It was at that moment that I suddenly realised that the sky is big enough for every single bird, that there is enough space for every one of them, no matter what size, or how high they may fly. 

I realised then that if the sky is big enough for every bird, then maybe there is enough for everyone, and that in order to reach the moon, perhaps we have to help someone else get to Jupiter. 

Perhaps our dreams are so big for a reason, perhaps we are not meant to achieve them by ourselves alone. Perhaps we have to learn how to ask for help and how to give help in order to grow and achieve our goals. 

Perhaps courage is part of this challenge, the courage to tell someone our dream. It takes courage to tell someone your dream, you have to be brave enough to tell them, to open up. Until you tell them, if you don't open up and share what's in your heart, how can you know if they are meant to help you?

I have found myself surprised at times at the people who are able and willing to help me achieve certain things, simply because I told them what I wanted to do. Sometimes just telling someone has given me clarity and insight into what it is that I really want, and no further help is needed. They have provided a listening and encouraging ear, helping me to believe in myself, to bolster my belief that I can achieve my goal, whatever that goal happens to be. 

And that gives me the courage to begin my journey, and in turn to help others begin theirs. 

What's your dream? 

Purlgirl xx

"Always aim for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" (W. Clement Stone)

The curse of perfectionism - 80% is merit

Being diagnosed with ADD/Dyspraxia in my 30s was a huge relief. I could let go of the need to be perfect, because I wasn’t and couldn't be.

I have come to accept myself a lot more since I realised it, and recently I found myself aiming for 80% for a practical assessment for coaching, and realised that if I did get 80% it would be not just a merit, but a distinction.

How is that not good enough? 

I remember at school wanting to get 100, if I got 99, and wanting 101 if I got 100. Nothing was ever enough - I was never enough - even though it seemed that others were allowed to get less and were still given encouragement. I don't even remember what I felt when I got 100, if I ever even did.

All I do know is that I was never happy, never content. I had to be the best, because if I wasn't the best I wasn't good enough, but being the best made me fearful - what if I wasn't the best next time?

It takes a lot of nervous energy to be a perfectionist.  It's tiring, it's relentless and it never lets you stop.

And as I have got older and the projects and tasks have got bigger, it is actually impossible to manage - 100 means you have finished, but some things can't be finished in one day or one attempt.

But I wasn't allowed to rest until I had completed the tasks and I now realise that these were the heavy rocks that I mentally carried around with me. Somewhere along the line I realised that I had to break it down, perhaps because with the Dyspraxia I have to break some tasks down to the very smallest step to even start, because sometimes the smallest step is the key that unlocks everything else, or it's the obstacle that stops me moving forward at all. 

So I started breaking things down, rewarding myself for completing that step, even if it meant I had only sat down for an hour, and recognising that perhaps all I need is 80% for that step, and 80% for the next step.

Because 100 also means for the whole project, so I felt unable to break it down, and didn't even know where to begin.

And yet sometimes the only way to move forward is to begin, the only way to learn is to do (Amelia Earhart).

So here's to aiming for 80%, here's to good enough, here's to being the very best we can be this time and knowing that we can learn, and grow, and do better next time.

Purlgirl xx