If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. (African Proverb)

Come fly with me*

A year ago I started a 5 minute slot in our Publishing Editor meetings, called "Work smarter, not harder", because I thought if I could just work harder, I could get it all done, that I had to do it all by myself, because what was most important was to have everything done in your inbox.

You see there is a misconception about "getting it done", that you have to be the one to get it done, immediately, on your own, that we aren't "working hard enough" and that if you can just work hard enough you can get where you are going. 

This doesn't take into account our strengths, our individualities, and the fact that we don't all see things the same way, that we are as different from each other as if we were from a different country (which, incidentally, I am!). Because we live in the same country and work in the same company, we just assume we see things the same way, and work the same way. 

But we don't, and actually we have to learn to recognise our strengths, because the way I see it, it's as if we are all on a plane, and we have to work together to get our passengers to their destination: 

(I should point out here that a few years ago, I was fortunate enough to be sent on a training course, where they gave us an example of our different strengths, called social styles.**

This course not only changed my perception of my colleagues at work, it changed my perception of myself at work as well as my life overall, and has started a transformation of which I realise now I am only just the start of the journey. Please note this is just a metaphor, to illustrate how very different we all are and how we are all important and how we all have our roles to play)

- Driver: We need the pilot, to get us there, to steer us in the right direction

- Amiable: We need the air steward to make sure everyone on board is comfortable, and safe and fed and clothed and attended to. 

- Analytical: We need the engineers to make sure the plane is flight-ready. They provide us with the checklist to work on, to figure out what needs to be fixed.  
- Expressive: We need the high-energy, larger than life people who are cheerful, and remind us not to be so serious. They keep morale high. They put me in mind of the celebrities, the rock stars, who entertain the troops. If we were all running a charity race, the Expressives would be the ones running the race in the fancy dress costume.

We all have our different roles to play, and we can see how we are all needed. 

But the pilot couldn't fly the plane and serve the passengers alone, any more than the air steward do the oxygen mask demonstration and point out the exits whilst flying the plane. Both are needed. 

We wouldn't expect the engineer to be good at supervising a little child flying alone. That's not to say that they can't all learn a little about each other's roles, or to move into those roles in time. Just to say that we will always need engineers, pilots, air stewards and the entertainers to keep the plane flying. 

Interestingly, if we are interested in all four social styles, we can broaden our horizons, and we can learn 3 other new ways of looking at the world. It's as if we become multilingual, and can speak a little bit of each language. 

And perhaps the air steward observes the pilot and decides that one day he or she would like to fly the plane, or to take flying lessons and just fly their own plane. 

If we don't open our eyes, how can we see the opportunities that are out there? 

Purlgirl xx

*From the song (1957) written by Jimmy Van Heusen and Sammy Cahn, probably most famously sung by Frank Sinatra. 

**Social Styles Handbook: Adapt Your Style to Win Trust (Wilson Learning Library) (Nova Vista Publishing, 2011)

"When the student is ready, the teacher appears" (Buddhist proverb)

Mastering ourselves

As I grow older, - and hopefully wiser - I am coming to the realisation that if we are open to it, everyone we encounter in our lives is here to teach us something.

A few are there to help us master ourselves by pushing us beyond our comfort zone. Sometimes we choose them, like when I decided to go for private swimming lessons 2 years ago, because I realised I needed the personal tuition. My instructor pushed me even when I didn't think I could learn. And even though I didn't fully learn to swim through those lessons alone, they prepared me for the breakthrough when I continued practising at the outdoor pool that summer. Eventually, after much practise, it all fell into place and now I love to swim.  

Or when I decided to ask the personal trainer at the gym to come up with a workout programme last weekend - because they know what we can do, even if we can't - and sometimes we need someone else to believe in us first.

Because they know what we need to learn. They can see the areas we need to work on, and they can advise us on the concrete steps we need to take to reach higher.

They hold us accountable, and give us the action steps to follow through so that we know what we have to do to achieve our goal. They give us the starting point, and then we are on our own. If we are willing to learn, it's like they wind us up, set us down and watch us go.

There are many instances in our lives where the teacher appears. Sometimes we approach them because we are ready to ask for the help and support. They may be professionals, who can advise us best on how to improve a skill, style our hair, add to our wardrobe, or learn how to drive. 

Other times they appear, in the way that relationships teach us about ourselves so that we can become more loving people. 

Relationships hold up a mirror to who we really are because we get closer to other people. We think we see ourselves as others see us, but really we are coming face to face with our own reflection, and our own insecurities. If we have not accepted them as a part of the whole, relationships have a way of bringing them bubbling up to the surface.

They may be the people in our lives - sometimes just knowing that your friends are achieving certain goals can be the catalyst to show you what you want, to teach you how to reach that goal yourself. Ever realised that you wanted to own your own home because a friend bought a house?

Even if we have our own dreams, this is how we come face to face with our hopes and desires, and can be guided in the right direction on our path.

The question is, are we ready to commit to learning, and to grow?

Purlgirl xx

"Let go and let the river carry you to new adventures" (Susan Jeffers*)

Let go and flow

Happy new year everyone! Today was the first day back at work for many of us, and many people will be feeling, no matter how much leave we have had, that the break was all too brief. 

Well, if there's something I have learned this past year, it's that life is all too brief, and we have to make the most of every day! 

2012 was by no means a perfect year, and it had its ups and downs, but it was also a year of adventures and new experiences. I've already written about Ibiza, and that was amazing, but looking back, one day in particular stands out from last year. 

It's funny how one thing can lead to another in life. I was in Bristol in August, for the annual Balloon Fiesta, and a friend invited me to dinner with another friend of hers. We chose to get Chinese takeaway, and whilst waiting we picked up a copy of "What's on in Bristol" and spotted an advert for a knittathon to raise money for the Victorian Pier in Clevedon, a little seaside town near Bristol.

I was intrigued by the event, and excited by the idea of spending a day in the company of other knitters attempting to knit a single continuous scarf to “yarn bomb” the pier. I decided as I am head of my knitting group at work, I had to be part of it!

I mentioned it to my friend Sarah, who said it sounded like fun, and she would drive us down to Clevedon for the day.  Soon, it turned out that 6 of us from Oxford were driving down to Clevedon Pier on the Bank Holiday Sunday.

The day itself dawned as a perfect sunny day for driving down from Oxford, to the seaside.

And because I had called ahead to let the organisers know we were on our way, everyone recognised us as the "Oxford Contingent" when we turned up!  

That day really stands out in my memory, because of the people we met; the discussions we had throughout the day, whilst knitting the different colours together to form one long continuous scarf for the pier. We had been asked to decorate and bring a yarn bucket on the day. I had huge fun decorating my own - a clothes peg basket – with materials from my stash, using buttons, safety pins, stickers, measuring tape and even a row counter to customise it. 

We met new people of all ages and from all walks of life - from Bristol, Clevedon and as far afield as Manchester. From 8 to 83, including a woman who is an engineer for Rolls Royce in Bristol, and a handful of men who knitted – as well as 2 little boys aged 8! For that one day, everyone was in it together, knitting all the colours together.

The pier was meant to close at 4, then 5, and finally at 6, as the day was drawing to a close, we finished. And we were the last ones there.

It was such an exhilarating day, to discover what we were capable of - who knew we could knit for 7 hours!

We never know where the river may lead us. Sometimes we just need to listen to that little voice that says, "that sounds like fun, let's do it!"

Here's to new adventures in 2013!

Purlgirl xx

* in memory of Susan Jeffers, who passed away October 27th, 2012. RIP Susan