"You can't calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass." (Timber Hawkeye)

  

I originally wrote this last November. I have retained the references to the date, since it takes me back to that day.


Buffeted by the wind

Watching the red kites over the skies of Oxfordshire today, I have realised we cannot fight the wind, or the rain. When times test us, we need to decide whether we are being presented with an opportunity, a challenge, or a learning curve.

It may be all three. During times of change or adversity, in whatever way we find them, we have the choice to learn and grow.

We have experienced some turbulent events, in 2016, especially, which have revealed to ourselves and others, who we really are and what we truly believe about the world.

Whilst this may not always have been a pleasant surprise, it shouldn't stop us from striving to live our best lives, and to continue to love and help others, and to reach out to strangers and acquaintances.

We might discover new friendships, and people who want to continue in their quest to make this a better world for everyone.

As the poet Rumi tells us "Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today, I am wise, so I am changing myself."

I am coming to the realisation that there is something that I can learn from every single individual being on this planet, even if sometimes it is just to recognise that they may be showing me who I do not want to be, or to show me what I no longer want to be.

For instance, I am no longer 21. Whilst I had to be 21 to become 22, and 22 to become 23 and so on, I have no wish to be that age again. It's an age I had to experience, with lessons to learn, people to meet, and challenges to overcome, and has led me to be the person I am now, today, nearly 20 years later.

It hasn't always been plain sailing during that time, but I can say I have gained something from all of it, the good and the bad, the wise and unwise decisions I made.

Which brings me back to the kites. Today has been a blustery November day, and I noticed that when the wind is strong, the kites stretch their wings out wider, to brace themselves against the wind and stay aloft. You can almost picture their concentration and determination to hold their course, as they steady their tail feathers, and tell the wind, “I can outlast you.”

It's been fascinating to watch, and to remind me that the challenges I have overcome so far, have made me stronger and - as long as I choose to keep learning - to give me strength to face tomorrow.

After all, if I remember to take it one day at a time, I am strong enough for each day, which is all we really need: to be strong enough for today.

Purlgirl
 

"You need to keep finding yourself, a little more each day" (Richard Bach, 'Jonathan Livingston Seagull'*)

I'm not the same as you, and that's okay

 

The full realisation of this and what it means, only came to me recently. I realised that I'm not even the same as others who have been diagnosed with Dyspraxia or ADD.

 

Even if I hadn't been diagnosed, I would still not be the same as you (whoever you are, reading this).

What does that even mean?

Who decides, and how limited our world would be if Steve Jobs, or Richard Branson, had conformed?

Funnily enough, it was a pair of cordless Bluetooth headphones that really brought it home to me.

I bought a pair for a long train journey over Christmas, and the fact that they are wireless, is great, but actually essential for my co-ordination and concentration. I no longer find myself becoming entangled in the headphone cables, or scrambling in my handbag to turn down the volume, or move to the next song.

I also find myself unconsciously dancing along to songs whilst waiting for the bus. After a few days of this, one driver in particular remarked on seeing me dance to the music as pulls up to the stand. It makes the wait for the bus more enjoyable and puts a smile on my face.

We can never be exactly the same as someone else - they may be married, or not, have children, or not, even have twins, or not. We're not the same as our parents, siblings or our other halves.

That's why I'm convinced that childhood bullying does so much harm, and can leave long-lasting effects. It's the first point where children are identified as "different" and anyone who is not the target of the bullying, observes what makes people vulnerable, and may be tempted to suppress or hide that in themselves, to appear to be "like everyone else". They want to be accepted, instead of walking across to the child who is being targeted, and saying "you know what? I feel the same way" or "I'm interested, tell me more."

On a wider scale, it leads to conflict amongst adults, but just imagine if we could let, and even *encouraged* children to be their own unique selves, to recognise and accept that we are not all the same, and could find a way to make peace with that?

I'm not the same as you, not just because I have been diagnosed with a learning difficulty, and I see the world differently in some ways. I’m not the same as you because I am an individual; I am one of 7 billion unique human beings on this planet.

I'm okay with that. I'm more interested in the things we have in common, and learning to understand our differences, however small. I believe every one of us has a role to play in this world. I find that fascinating. Maybe we can only figure out what that role is when we stop trying so hard to fit in. When we stop trying to be like everyone else, we begin to seek out our gifts, we can be willing to own our uniqueness, and through that find our place in the world.

Purlgirl

* 'Jonathan Livingston Seagull', by Richard Bach, Turnstone Press, 1972.